the 100 reasons trilogy

100 reasons to date nakahara chuuya

Dazai was definitely the annoying one in his relationship. He prided himself in his ability to make his husband want to murder him at least once every hour. Chuuya was honestly very used to his bullshit by now. He's had plenty of time to do so, after all.

The bandaged detective did the strangest things, to put it mildly. He got bored pretty often, and set out to do the most ridiculous things ever. For example, this one time he tried to get Chuuya to divorce him. But the divorce papers turned out to be "dog for life" contract papers or something like that.

This other time, quite recently in fact, Dazai had sent Chuuya a long email during a work day. The email had been titled "100 reasons to date me" and yes, it had actually listed one hundred reasons. Honestly, the bastard has too much stolen free time on his hands.

Now, Chuuya knew better than most about his husband's shitty past. The former mafia executive's backstory was woven with threads of tragedy; threads that could never be snapped. So, Chuuya made it a point to indulge his partner, if it wasn't too demanding.

He would never admit it out loud, but it made him really happy if his shitty beanpole was happy. Ugh. That's actually disgusting. Chuuya wanted to throw himself off the roof sometimes; if solely for thinking such sappy, gross things about a literal mackerel. Not that throwing himself off the roof would be effective or anything; he would probably instinctively activate his gravity-manipulating ability right before hitting the ground.

Anyway, the day Dazai had sent that really long email, he'd asked Chuuya to reply to him with a similar email. Basically, a long list of reasons to date Chuuya. So, the mafia executive figured he'd indulge his shitty partner as usual and do so.

Quite contrary to his scary mafioso appearance, he impulsively decided to write the email during a really boring meeting with a large group of subordinates. Technically, he was just supposed to be present at the meeting to supervise things. But it was actually really fucking boring, and he spent his time zoned out, writing a ridiculous email to his husband. It reminded him of how school girls write letters to their crushes in Hollywood movies.

But anyway, Chuuya could swallow his pride for a bit if it meant seeing the mackerel gush over his email. In fact, the gravity manipulator pressed 'Send' on the email right before the meeting ended; not allowing himself any chances to change his mind. Of course, he had to rack his brains to come up with one hundred fucking reasons, but he supposed it would be worth it.

From: nakaharachuuya@business.com

To: nakaharaosamu@business.com

Subject: 100 reasons you are dating me (is it called dating if we're married??)

I'm prettier than you

I have classy, ELEGANT hats

I have a wine collection in a specially made wine cellar

I actually fucking do my chores in the houses

I don't wear bandages like a certain someone

I have a wardrobe full of hot outfits

I take care of you

I make you food literally every day

I don't burn down the kitchen

I know how to fucking do the laundry

I can fly

I look cute in your oversized clothes <3

I don't throw tantrums

But I sulk on the ceilings sometimes

I know you better <3