The Confessions of a Faithful Wife

What I Truly Feel

I regret marrying him. 

I was promised a church wedding but he had a change of heart and religion. Now he only plans on marrying me in his church. But even marrying him in his church would not be possible for her has not a job. Where would he get the money? From my salary? My salary is dedicated to our daily expenses. 

He was a bum for a year, managing the house affairs and tutoring our child. His efforts were of great help, it saved us from spending money for a tutor and he was able to track our daily expenses. It was during the start of the pandemic and already amidst the peak of his strengthening faith. 

Looking back when he had no work, I would contemplate if I enabled him to continue this? That I provided for him and in that time he had no work, he continued to leisurely pursue his interest? Was it my fault? What if I motivated him to work, would he had no time and would have abandoned his newfound faith because of the lack of time? With these thoughts, I feel am a sinner for questioning his faith, for thinking ill of his faith. I feel like with these thoughts I have become the villain of his journey to enlightenment.

I am still left with these thoughts and it has already created a deep burning hole in my heart. I have no desire in starting conversations with him. I compare our marriage with other couples. I would dream of having a new prince charming to rescue me. I like living alone during my quarantine days. It is as if I have lost my