The Girl Who Cheated

01: The Unseen Tears

KUNG MAY MAHALAGA mang bagay na natutunan si Bella sa dalawampu't dalawang taon ng kanyang pamumuhay, iyon ay ang pagtatago ng kanyang nararamdaman.

During her times with Nico, her first---and now ex---boyfriend, hiding what she felt was such a pain in the ass. She was vulnerable that time and she felt like if she kept all of her feelings inside her, both pain and joy, she would explode. So, she did what other teenagers during that age would do, she expressed all of her emotions freely without thinking of the consequences. She did that when she was with him, and she also did that during the first few years of her relationship with Raymond. But not anymore.

As the years go by, she learned how to act. The old Bella who used to cry every time she got hurt was gone and replaced by the Bella who became better in hiding her feelings. Siguro ganoon talaga kapag nasanay ka na. Para itong gamot na ilang beses mo nang iniinom, na sa oras na inumin mo ulit, hindi na eepekto sa 'yo.

Hindi lang iyon. Siguro itong pagtatago ng nararamdaman, parte na rin ng maturity ng isang tao. Unlike children, grown-ups tend to have master's degrees in hiding their emotions. Maybe it's because once the reality kicks in, you'll have no time to think about what you feel, dahil kung emosyon ang paiiralin, tiyak mamamatay kang dilat at namumuti ang mata nang dahil sa gutom. Practicality over emotions, ika nga nila. Sad, but that's just how reality works.

Kaya naman sa halip na magmukmok dahil sa problema, lumabas ng kuwarto si Bella nang may ngiti sa mukha. Pagbaba nito papuntang hapag-kainan, naabutan niya roon ang kanyang mga magulang at dalawa pang nakababatang kapatid; si Bryce na kasalukuyang kumakain at si Brody na mukhang katatapos lang at nagbabasa ngayon ng libro na para bang hinihintay ang kapatid na matapos. It was six o'clock in the morning and yet, they are all awake dahil may mga kanya-kanyang pasok ang mga ito.

Umupo na si Bella at sumabay na sa pagkain ng breakfast. May pinag-uusapan ang kanyang mga magulang tungkol sa kanilang trabaho sa harap ng hapag-kainan habang tahimik na kumakain ang kanyang dalawang kapatid. Habang sumasandok, tinawag ni Bella ang pangalan ng gitnang kapatid na si Bryce. "Hatid mo nga 'ko mamaya sa school bago kayo dumiretso sa Systems Plus," Bella said, which was more like a command than a request.

Bryce scratched his head. "Ate, alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang school namin sa Holy Angel? Mag-trike ka na lang kaya!"

"Sige na! Babayaran naman kita ng bente. Mabilis lang naman iyon, e!"

"Bente? Anong mabibili ko sa bente? Kuripot mo naman!" Bryce answered, frowning as he continued on eating the food on his plate. Bella sighed in dismay, asking the God above what she did to have this kind of brother. She didn't know, but all she could think about was that it must be so cruel because having a brother like Bryce as a punishment is too much. "Nasa'n ba ang boyfriend mo at sa 'kin ka nagpapahatid?"

Great, she thought. What a good way to ruin her day. She didn't answer. Instead, binilisan niya nalang ang kanyang pagkain at pagkatapos ay nagpaalam na para pumasok sa school. Magko-commute na lang siya kaysa makasama niya ang walang hiya niyang kapatid at mabanggit pa nito ang kanyang boyfriend.

Don't get her wrong. She wasn't mad at Raymond. On the contrary, she loves him, at hindi nito kaya na magalit dito. Kung may nararamdaman man ito just by hearing his name or talking about him, maybe it was pain. Kung bakit, hindi na mahalaga ito. She's now twenty-two and she should learn how to keep her emotions to herself by now.

***

"HAY NAKO, GIRL! If I were you, I'd confront him na."

Bella sighed. She knew that it was easier said than done. Plus, what would she tell Raymond if she confronted him? To stop studying and be a good boyfriend for once? It would sound like she's selfish for forbidding her boyfriend to study hard for his future, and she doesn't want to be selfish.