Hi gorgeous
Today's our 3rd anniversary. I can remember the day we met like if it was yesterday. The smell of the wet dirt right before it started raining, The way your long black hair cascaded down your back, your ear phones plugged in while you sang Aerosmith's I don't want to miss a thing at the top of your lungs without a care in the world. I walked behind you while I made my way to the studio, listening to your beautiful voice. You always argued with me that your singing was horrid; but i always thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I remember what you wore that day. A red long sleeved polo, blue jeans a brown scarf and those brown boots you loved so much. Suddenly, you tripped on a rock and stubbled over. I hurried to you and helped you up. That was when I first saw your beautiful face and looked into your mesmerizing brown eyes. And just like that I knew you were the one I had waited so long for you
Remember that day I asked you to be mine? We had gone to that haunted house that had just opened up downtown with the the boys and Dani. You were so scared you made sure you were squeezed in between Louis and I. You grabbed on to his shirt with one hand an made sure both of mine were wrapped around your waist with your other hand. You had your eyes squeezed shut. Everytime you decided to open them was bad timing because someone in character would pop up and scare the living shit out of you. And right before the chainsaw guy appeared I whispered into your ear if you would be exclusive with me and after that we heard the chainsaw being turned on and you grabbed my hand and started running and yelled "ONLY IF YOU GET ME OUT OF HERE ALIVE!" I laughed so much I almost toppled over.
I miss you so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. I still search for you on the bed in the mornings and my heart aches when i realize you aren't there, that i'll never feel your warmth again. I'll never wake up to you sprawled out across the bed leaving me on the edge. I won't see you behind stage waiting for me after a concert, looking at me amazed at how much i loved what I did. How proud of me you were. The way your eyes got small every time you laughed. How you scrunched up your nose and pout to make me laugh. The way you looked at me when you were mad. God that face made me crazy. I'd go right up to you and kiss your face until you laughed and weren't mad any longer. Those summer nights we layed in the back of your pick up truck, looking up at the stars, talking about our future. The times we played Fifa on my xbox and i'd let you win. Drive around you're hometown listening to 80s rock. I'll never get to see or do those things with you again.
You just don't think that one day to another, the person who completed you won't be by your side anymore. Especially when they had so many things waiting for them in the future. I never imagined this being our destiny. I look back and smile at the memories we made together that will last a lifetime. I wish our time hadn't gone by so quick.
Its been hard you know..
The boys try to make me take my mind of you, but i just cant get you out of my head or my heart. There's days i don't even want to get out of bed I just lay there thinking about you and where we'd be today. I miss you so so much. Everyone else does too. I talk to your mom once a week ask her how she and your family are. She's different now. It's like half of her is missing. She rarely smiles, barely eats, she's still going on because of your brother but it's still hard for her. Your best friend still cant cope with the fact that you're no longer here. She's been shutting everyone out, not even I can get through to her. I wish. you could still be here, it would be easier for everyone. You're the missing piece in our lives. We'll be incomplete until the day we meet again.
I've got to go my love. Your mother is driving me back to the airport in a bit. The boys and I are doing a charity event tomorrow night so i've got to fly back to London. I'll come visit you again as soon as I can. I love you and I always will.
