Lost in your eyes

There was this guy in my class. He wasn't the guy girls adored. He was mysterious. Quiet but louder than everyone else when he spoke up. He had this cold energy arround him. Someone that nobody really knew, not even his friends. He became you. I knew you for years. I liked you. But then things changed. People started to say you liked me. We joked, you send me nerdy stuff. I didn't think a lot about it. It was just you and me. I said no we're just friend, but I was flattered when they said that. But I saw, I felt what they meant. It wasn't just friendship. It wasn't love either. I started to see you different. One day were alone togheter in storeroom. I tried to focus on physics. But all these formulas where just number blurring into my thoughts. I felt it. You watched me. I felt your gaze on my skin. You were dreaming. About me? About all the things we could be? You looked at me and said your earrings look like DNA. I laughed. This is so you. So us. Days went by. You were excited to sit next to me in class. My friends just looked at me, sure just friends. Maybd not just friends? There was this night in march. Spring was in the air at daytime. But at night winter wasn'r over yet. My whole body was trembling. We sat next to each other. My thighs touched yours. I looked deep in your ocean blue eyes. You have this one specific look with your eyes. When I look at them, I see you for who you are. I can see all these feelings your feeling. Your hand is trying to warm me up. Your freshly washed hair lays on my shoulder. All these people around us dissappeard. I got lost in your ocean blue eyes. There were sparks between us in this cold night. At 3am we said goodbye. But this goodbye felt different. For me it was a welcome to a new world. The world of us. It was indeed a welcome but not to the world of us. More to months of confusion and lostness. We didn't speak in class, something was weird. I brought up an inside joke of this night. You didn't remember, I was drunk you said. I was disappointed. I thought the warming alcohol gave us a chance to be us. Be who we want to be. I was mad at you. You got more and more distant. I tried to revive our friendship. I was fine with being just your friend and not a lover. I missed you. I missed who we were. In a inside and outside dark night during a high of substances. I texted you. I wanted to know whats wrong. I want to understand I thought. You appoligised for being weird. I forgave you. But things got only downhill. People started to notice. There was this burning jeoulosy inside me when you talked to other girls. Why can't you talk to me? Tell me whats really bothering you? But you walked away. I wanted you at my birthday. But you just sat quited in the corner sipping your beer surounded by your best friends. I could feel you thoughts spinning. I tried to deny my feelings. But when stood up for your opinion or talked about philosophy my heart fell a little more for you. You said mean things to my friend. I protected for you, I knew you I said he doesn't mean that. It's just his dark humor. You meant it I know now. We don't talk anymore. There is just this past we have. Nothing more. There is no future. Sometimes you still look at me with your ocean blue eyes. But I know they mean nothing. They never meant anything. I don't get lost in blue ocean anymore. We're just strangers that know eachother.