My English Papers

Not Alone

            Journal Entry #1 Sept. 10, 2020

            This is going to be an interesting journal huh? This will just be a lot of me talking about my disorder, and entries from the other members in this system... I'm not the most excited I've been for starting a journal. I'm going to take this journal with me to therapy. Hopefully it'll help Michelle (my therapist) figure this out more. I have school in two hours... I should probably go to sleep. I however, would not like to. -Dylan Lee

            I closed my journal and somehow managed to fall asleep. When I woke up the next morning I got out of bed and went to my fridge to grab a monster. When I got to school I felt a little out of it. I could hear another voice in my head, that wasn't my own. It sounded like a grown woman.. "Sal" I groaned

            "What?" My friend Calah asked.

            "Sal and I are co-fronting today." I say with a frown on my face.

            "Again?!" They say with an angry tone.

            "Yea again."

            Journal Entry #2 Sept. 10, 2020

            Our day was pretty normal. Sal co-fronted with me. She had control of my body while I had control over my words which is how it usually is. That's the best kind of co-fronting for school, sometimes. Sometimes Carter co-fronts with me during school and I have power over words which would be nice, if I could read his handwriting. He's left handed but when he writes it looks as if I made a poor attempt at writing with my left hand. So we had to take notes in English and I can't read them. -Dylan Lee

            I got myself ready for bed and had my usual trouble falling asleep. I put on Gravity Falls and watched it until 3am until I finally fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and could definitely tell I was co-fronting with someone, I just didn't know quite who. I got up and started getting ready for school. I finally figured out who I was co-fronting with when I started ticking. Only one of my alters has tics... Andrew. It was gonna be an interesting day to say the least.

            I don't know how much more of this I can take. Just day after day I'm worried that someone might front alone in one of my classes. I can't help but wonder what day it might be. Lucky for me I've made sure that all of my friends know about my mental disorder. I also know that all of my alters know that they have the option to go to one of my friends, that they know, if they front and are unaware of where they are or what's going on. My day was kind of quiet. I didn't feel like talking or doing much work. I'm not entirely sure what was wrong except that Andrew and I were co-fronting.

           What's going on, where am I? I thought to myself. I think I might be fronting at Dylan's school. That's the most likely thing right now. I waited for the teacher to stop talking and went over to the person I know named Kay. "Um hi, I'm Andrew, Dylan's alter. I fronted in today and don't know what's going on, or where I am."

            "Okay, well I'm Kay and Dylan has told me all about you. We're in school right now however the bell is about to ring so don't worry about having to stay here. We do have the next class also together, do you like to write?"

"Yea! I actually really enjoy it. I write stories all the time. Sal likes to read my stories because they're 'pretty interesting' she says."

"Well that's good because we're starting our narratives in English cla-"

She got cut off by the bell and everyone in the class rushed to get out. I just followed Kay across the school to what I supposed was our next class. I got in and sat at what Kay said was my desk and the teacher went up to the front of the class to start teaching. She explained everything to the class about our narratives and an idea popped in my head. What if I did the narrative about our disorder! I liked this idea because it was something that Dylan knew enough about to write a paper if it's not always me fronting, as well as the rest of the alters.

I made out my plan on a plot organizer that the teacher wanted us to plan on. I went up to the teacher and showed her my idea for our paper. She went on and on about how I would have to know a lot about this subject... little did she know how much I knew. Then the lunch bell rang, and Kay came over to me because it scared me. They walked me through the hall to the lunch line and lunch was pretty basic. I just sat by this girl that I already know named Alice. When I went back to english I started typing. I actually type a lot faster than Dylan and got kind of a stare from our teacher because Dylan just types so damn slow. Kay had to email me to chill out. The rest of the day didn't really affect me. I'm insanely good at math so that didn't matter and I'm decent at science.

Journal Entry #3 Sep. 11, 2020

Hellooooo, I'm Andrew. This is going to be the first entry for an alter in the system. I fronted today during a class... I was kind of scared at first but our friend Kay helped me out and it was nothing to worry about. That's lucky enough for me otherwise I might not have known where the hell I was. Once I got home it wasn't too much for me. I got in the car and just simply explained to our mom that I was Andrew and I wasn't sure what exactly to do when I was at school. Now I'm at home sitting on our bed, writing this for fun MEGA LOL!!!!! I'm probably going to go draw some leaves now because I enjoy drawing them and they're comforting to me. It's nice to know I'm not alone. -Andrew Smith