KEEP (Feet In Thinking)
I remember thinking about everything all the time walking around with my hands in my pockets and my eyes on the ground
The future has no excuse for not being here
I've worn myself thin two or three or maybe four times in the past day and I still blink in amazement at my repetitious feet
Sometimes everything will seem to disappear in the red rivers in my white seeing worlds
I turn out the lights for the shortest time possible
Like two suns
Around the same dream
I'm paying for past mistakes with change for tomorrow
I hide myself in the dungeon for an escape from the chains my own ideas clamp around my ankles
Screams come out of the woodwork and neighbors problems I told myself I would never pay attention- but this time I think she's in the right
I throw my pillow over my head and my feet into my bed
Sometimes I think my heart will never stop beating
It's like an engine that has grown used to not having an oil change
And I think if I change anything now it will sputter and jerk and all of my waves of emotion and thought will be thrown through my windshield and on to the hood of my only protection
I sleep during the day because I don't go there until morning
My nights are filled with laughs and funny friends who look better in that light
I am discreet when I get beat by unsure actions- movements and shadows that don't move the way anyone wants them to
Maybe I should just sit back and wait
But waiting is something I can not do- not here- not now
I'm running out of change
And so I charge like the devil with red hair
I'm hiding under the bridge searching for your carriage and the perfect opportunity to burn you out of it
But it may have already passed just like this crazy plan
I can see that everything around me is nothing at all unless I can see the true meaning to me
And you dreaming of me- late night- thoughts in the stars reflected in your eyes- and that face in your pupils is so recognizable
I tore apart my insides in hopes the outside would change but now the inside just wants more and I am again the same- the same as yesterday and today- no different to you or me- like a mirror reflection that refuses to leave with the image it portrays
But I'm here- mid day- mid wife- it's time for my bath- wash off this smile for ten cents and a kiss and leave me here to soak up all the people and places and things I've seen and done and thought in these past two seconds
So full of shit it clogs my drain and I get beat again
"You won't know unless you try- you can't laugh unless you cry!" Immortal words from the immortal mother who gave birth to this daily dreamer and thinker because it makes everything so much better when you're here
And the light passes though the window blinds and flashes into my eyes and allI can see is you standing there smiling like the Joker from Batman- you've just pulled another prank
And just like the Christians on the crusades taught the Muslims how to kill- I'll teach you how to drown yourself in useless matters so that you too can hide with me in solitude- I don't want to be alone anymore
I'll build myself a cell mate for or against your will it really doesn't matter to me- I never told you what I did to my dog
Certain situations always seem to rush over me like a wave and fill the five gallon bucket I constantly keep strapped to my back- (I used to know a man who let problems run off his back like water but he's gone now to be a teenaged girls wet dream) while my bucket weighs me down- my feet move slower and not quite as repetitively
The beat has changed but the song and girl and friends and the nights and the smiles are still the same
Do you have a corkscrew I could borrow- just something to Pierce the bottom of this bucket and open the champagne
I've been here for twenty-two years watching the days fly by as the birds go south and the sun come up and go down and the moon will always follow just like my left foot to my right
And I used to talk to her I used to think about her all the time- my dear sweet mother who did everything she could to be my father- she even learned how to hit
She was Golden Glove on my childhood street
That beautiful lady- now just a voice over mans brightest but most visually restricting invention
Push the buttons to get through just like you used to do to me
I've seen the good and the bad and I like them both equally- I always try to be fair
But something won't let me talk to you the way I did before
I'll sit on my bedroom floor and imagine all the great things I could say- maybe you'll even understand- but then the sun comes up and it's time to get to bed- I'll keep those ideas in my head because it's so much better when you're not here
I used to think that in order to dream you had to have a reason- something big and powerful like the ocean- but the glass of water by my head can do the same if not more- it knocks on my door to tell me your secrets
Hidden deep- I see your feet- you're following me- walking along side by side like walls in a hallway
I look over I see myself and you hand me a corkscrew- friends are there no matter how full your bucket
Open the champagne and call my mom just like the dreams
And that is when I realize- the smiles and the laughs- they come wrapped up in people like presents- open them up and it's Christmas Day
A box full of reasons and change I can use to pay for past mistakes
Everything is good even when it's bad- that coffee at three A.M.- you bought it to show me another reflection- always something new when I'm with all of you that is why it is so much better when you're here
So I sit and watch some more to see what else there is to say- not much really it's all been said before anyway
I hope you come see me in a dreamland- that's the best time for you to see what I truly think about you- the serum you gave me that makes me speak and tell you this- it works terribly well as you can tell- I take it a lot- this new kind of nectar- straight from the dreams- drained from the brain and into my glass
Drink it up- shhhh- don't make a sound- I'm thinking about you
I see you and you see me- reflections of each other in red river eyes- tired and drowsy i'll kiss you goodnight today because I'm going to be so much better now that you're here
My feet are walking I'm coming to find you- so just stay where you are
I have gifts in return for what you've given me I hope you enjoy them-
A five gallon bucket with a hole in the bottom- an empty bottle of champagne and some spare change for you to keep
