T.S.

Diana aged 16: December 1913

The curtains were already open when I awoke. Ada had probably left them open for me to see how beautiful a day it; was probably expecting it, with the gorgeous sunrises that happen late December. The black night sky is set alight in the east and only stops burning until it's risen for 30 minutes, like shitty bread. My clothes were laid out for me and I could hear the quiet footsteps of the people downstairs and the low murmurs and the 'she was so young.' My stomach twisted in a wretched pain. I never wanted to leave my bed. I took in a shaky breath and sat at Ada's makeshift vanity, My special Butterprick pattern pajamas sitting awkwardly and enveloping me. I looked at myself in the mirror. Not 5 years ago, John had told me I was all bones but now, I had dissolved. My eyes looked far too big for my head and my cheeks where they had been their rosy colour were pale as the pajamas I wore. I was a ghost of the girl I had been. Where I was once plump, had been sucked dry. After she passed, I locked myself in my house for 2 weeks, doctor's recommendation. The house was fumigated and I took something the doctor had given me. It was all special, like the consumption they called it. It was meant to take away the bad stuff that had gotten her poorly. Doctor said It would take about a week for everything to go away but I stayed 2. After all there was nothing to get up for now. I smile at myself in the mirror. I had to make myself pretty to keep everyone from worrying. The days had melted into nights once I stopped opening the blinds. So everytime I woke up I just shut my eyes again. I left my hair down. She always said it looked prettiest like that. Her golden ring with a small stone lay on the dresser. I put it on regardless. The clothes Ada left me were all black. "Hm." I chuckled quietly. The girls at school had called me a witch all year because I had danced at a Lee party in October. Esme taught me how to jump over fire but Greta thought I was just being swallowed by it and when(in her mind) I wasn't burning it meant I was a witch. But girls torment very differently from boys. They do it so only girls can recognise it. And even though her little sister, Kitty, had begged her to stop, she would just turn her stupid lips into that smile that all the boys fell for and say, "God. Can't she take a joke?" or something like that. Half the time I wasn't listening. I pull the black blouse on and the black skirt on. I put the nylon stockings on and the small heeled pumps. They make click-clacks when I walk so I didn't have to announce myself. I finally pulled my heavy grey cotton jacket over it. I take it off again and smooth down my clothes. In the pocket of my jacket is a bit of white lace trimming. I tie the top half of my hair with it, sectioning it and making a bow. I give myself a half-hearted smile in the mirror. I feel dizzy walking towards the door. That's where the people would be. After she died, I saw lots of people. Namely doctors and nurses of who I forgot the names of but also Antonio's mum who came to my door crying. I shut the door on her. I couldn't go near anyone for a while, especially hysterical tías claiming to have known my mum. I think Greta came to my house and tried to climb in with her stupid mates. Charlie probably chased them away; It sounded like him at least. I didn't see anyone after I kept myself in bed. Just listened. I put the coat on again. I didn't want Pol to cry in front of me but I still kept strong. I walked down the stairs shaking a bit, who knew getting bone thin could make someone shake like a leaf. Ada smiled weakly at me and spoke first, "You look lovely."

I didn't want to see Jayden but I could tell from the thick silence that everyone was waiting for her to say something. "Não tens que ter medo." I whisper

She doesn't say anything, "You won't catch the wretched disease. Não tenho nada."

Still nothing. I wrap the jacket tighter around me and sigh, "I'm going to visit Charlie for a bit. To see the horses. I'll come back in time. If I don't, I'm at the church."

Ada, Jayden and Polly were all in the room. The babies upstairs, sleeping. John and Tom were supposedly at church but for all I knew, it was only John. Tom hadn't made it his business to see if I was alright. Just as well. I wouldn't have to lie. I walk out. I breathe out and the breath swirls in front of my dancing and flaunting their life. Charlie is sitting on a store box outside the stables. His little mirror in his hands as he checks his face for dirt. He quickly gets up once he sees me coming. Charlie was a very flustered man but Curly was easy going. I wave hi to him and he natters to me about his music. "Not today charlie. It's a bit cold for dancing. And we have to go to a bit of a sad send off."