Four White Walls

Looking at the four white walls. The four white walls I have spent my whole life staring at. Nothing about them has ever changed, but all I can do is stare. My bed has become my home, with the half filled soda cans and the books scattered. I don't know what to do when I get up and when I do, all I want to do is go back to my safe space. Between my four white walls.

Every story ever is; a boy meets a happy girl, they have a problem, then they fall in love, and live happily ever after. No one ever talks about girls who aren't happy, that are too scared to find love. Some girls don't want to feel love. They just want to feel like themselves.

Finding yourself is one of the hardest tasks for a teenage girl. You are molded to be this perfect girl with the perfect smile. To be nice, respectful, to look, dress, and act a certain way. If you don't you are neglected and changed. But some girls don't want to wear pink and smile. Some girls want to dress how they wish and not feel judged. They feel like clay, that can just be thrown around and changed.

Those four white walls, a safe haven. To choose who you are and who you want to be. But you can't let anyone in. Hiding who you are is the only way to survive. As we have been told since we were young. So we hide between our four white walls.

Ch 1

"High school, every teenager's dreaded nightmare. If you weren't insecure before, you will be now. High school is the epitome of how girls have to be a certain way. Dress code, boys, other girls, and parents. Sometimes girls with the biggest smiles are trying to hide the most pain. BUT WHY DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO OUR CRIES!" I write in my journal everyday while layering on my makeup before going to school.

"CLARA DON"T YOU DARE BE LATE AGAIN! MIKE WILL LOSE HIS SHIT!" My mother screams up the stairs to my room. My mother Holly is basically your average mother. Comes of like a happy, well rounded woman, and has a lot of friends. She seems like the most carefree woman that wouldn't judge anyone. Until you live with her. She is the most judgy person in the world. If I even have a hair out of place, I'm all wrong and need to be changed. I guess I'm used to it.

"MOM WHERE THE HELL IS MY WHITE JACKET!! I NEED IT!" My mothers other child screams. My younger sister Isabelle or Izzy the angel.

"IZZY IT THE WASH FIND SOMETHING ELSE AND FINISH GETTING READY YOU HAVE TO GET TO SCHOOL! YOU CAN'T BE LATE AGAIN!" My mother and my sister are the biggest drama queens in the world. All they care about is if they look ok to everyone else. But I guess it has some credits. My sister basically runs her grade . I guess she is what people would call popular. But good lord I hate that word and everything that it stands for.

She isn't the type of girl to live in four walls. She chooses to though she hates parties and everything that involves drugs or alcohol consumption. Izzy is the angel child that all she wants to do is talk to her friends, get dressed up and flirt with guys. Boring life i know. There's always mine of course. Where weed is the most normal thing to forget the world and get my out of my four walls.

"Izzy let's go if you want a ride to school or else your slow ass is taking the bus," I say like I do every other day of the week. I have been able to drive for about a month now but I still feel like that freedom is taken from me. My parents don't trust me much and I don't blame them. If it was up to me I would have left this small ass town years ago and they know that.

"Clara shut up, I actually try to look good for people. Unlike you like what the fuck are you wearing." She never fails to make me feel like a queen. Can't you tell.

"I have a huge test today and I don't have the energy to get ready. And it's fucking tuesday who am I trying to impress on a tuesday." She's always dressed to impress anyone. She's wearing pink sweatpants, a long sleeve white shirt, and her hair half way half down. Meanwhile I'm in black sweatpants and a red hoodie with my school logo huge on the back. I never really liked dressing up for school. I never saw the point of it, I grew up with these people and see them everyday so I don't care about their opinion.