Falling for a Bridgerton : a Bridgerton fanfic

chapter 19 : heart to heart

The air of smoke clouded Eloise's face as she took another puff of her cigarette. She'd been out here more than usual, having been stressed from the whole missing letter debacle.

She thought of Mabel. Would she approve of me smoking? Eloise asked herself. What if she detests it?

A third thought rang in her head, And if she hated it, would I stop?

Her whole life, Eloise had dedicated herself to being the utmost authentic version of herself, and any man who approved of her behavior, Eloise couldn't care less about.

But Mabel wasn't a man. She was Mabel. And what if there were things that Eloise did that Mabel didn't approve of. And if there was, did that mean that Eloise was going to change herself to be what Mabel wanted, or was she just going to be herself, and no one - including Mabel - could stop her?

Her thoughts were suddenly hilted when she heard footsteps coming from behind her.

She supposed it was probably her mom, or even Benedict, so you could imagine her surprise when she turned around to see her older, younger brother Colin. She quickly blew out the cigarette and dropped it on the floor, crushing it with the heel of her shoe.

"Hey sister," Colin spoke as he took a seat on the swing beside her, not noticing the crushed cigarette.

Eloise smiled widely. She hadn't been able to speak to him much since he returned from his trip, and she was very excited to hear all about his travels. If Eloise wasn't allowed to explore the world, then she was going to settle for only being able to hear secondhand stories from her brothers and living vicariously through them.

"How was Greece?" she asked excitedly, anticipating every detail of his trip that he had to share.

But "fine" was all Colin managed to say, and Eloise noticed that she seemed way more thrilled than he did.

"Is everything okay brother?"

He hummed a small yes and Eloise noticed that her brother seemed more somber than usual. Than ever, actually. She questioned whether she should give him some space; he seemed to need the backyard and the peace of swinging under the moonlight more than she did.

But she couldn't bear to leave, not when it was so noticeable that something felt off about him. And when it came to her cheeriest brother, it was more obvious than most when he was upset.

Eloise swayed in her swing, trying to sound as casual as possible, "so you never told me why you came back so early?"

Colin stared at his feet, visibly distressed, "I don't know why I did. I just felt like it."

Eloise stopped the swing, placing her feet firmly on the ground, "Colin" she said in her softest voice, "you can tell me, you know? Whatever it is."

Colin took a deep sigh and began. It wasn't hard for him to open up about his troubles; he'd rarely had them.

"After what happened with Marina, I needed a break. Everywhere I went, I could only hear pity in their voices. Oh poor Colin, he was deceived. He didn't deserve this. How dare she? That type of manipulation? How could she? She's a monster. And I wanted to hit them, not because of what they said about me, but because of what they said about her. They called her words I never thought she could embody. She wasn't a bad person, but I had convinced myself I was in love with her. I honestly don't care that she was with child, I would have protected her as much as I could. I wish she would let me in. I just wish..... she was honest with me. I kept asking myself what I could have done to her to make her not trust me."

Eloise felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She tried to understand Colin's point of view, but she was just as upset as everyone else in the town. She couldn't believe why someone would ever hurt her brother like that, her kindest brother. The one who takes care of mother when she's feeling down, the one who visited father's grave every week the first year he passed, the one who comforted her when she had nightmares, holding her tight, only leaving after she'd fallen asleep. She wondered why would anyone want to break someone's heart like that?

But she knew that's not what Colin needed to hear. Instead, she said, "there's nothing you could have done. It's not your fault Colin, you were in love. Very much so. You shouldn't be blamed for that."

"Well, what can I say? I'm a romantic," he chuckled sarcastically. "I just thought I finally had what I'd been searching for this whole time. Everyone kept telling me I was too young and too naive, but I knew how I felt. I loved her."

Eloise couldn't find the words to say as a tear streamed down her cheek. She had never seen her brother like this in her whole life, and she only wished she knew how he felt sooner.

"I just wanted to have what mother and father had. They weren't just our parents, they were each other's best friends. It seemed so easy whenever they talked about their love, but Eloise, it couldn't be harder."

Eloise understood instantly. The way her love life was going, she undoubtedly had the most difficult path laid in front of her.

"I just wanted what they have... I mean had," Colin muttered, his voice quivering.

He swiftly changed the subject, not wanting to upset the mood even further, "so mom told me you made a new friend? That's quite the surprise, for the Eloise Bridgerton."

"Huh? Oh right, yes," Eloise quickly gathered her thoughts, wiping her tears away. "Her name is Mabel Hawthorne. And yes we're um .... friends"

Eloise wasn't ready to tell Colin the truth about the nature of her relationship with Mabel, she was still recovering from Benedict finding out.

One day she thought. She knew she'd be ready to tell him the truth one day.

"Well, I can't wait to meet her," Colin smiled and Eloise hoped her brother didn't notice her blushing at the mention of Mabel.

"She's nice, brother. We met at Lady's Danbury."

"Ah, well I could imagine that went over very well," and they chuckled, knowing how cheeky Lady Danbury could be sometimes.

"Yes, speaking of which, is there anyone you have your eyes on," Eloise asked cautiously, not wanting to further upset her brother.

"No, not really. Why?"

"Oh, no reason at all," Eloise said casually but before she could think about her words as they came out of her mouth she blurted, "you know, I think you and Penelope would be very nice together."

Oh my god, what did I just say??!!

Eloise pinched herself for not thinking first. Did she just reveal her best friend's biggest secret? (well, her second biggest secret, unbeknownst to Eloise). 

But to her relief, Colin just chuckled softly and smiled. Based on his laugh, Eloise couldn't tell if he thought she was joking, or if he smiled because he was glad she had said it in the first place.

She opened her mouth to ask more, but to her luck, their mother called them in for dinner.

Next time she told herself.

A/N

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27/10/21