The Diavoli Forti

Chapter 38: End of a sentence

I laid in the tub as I let the water fill around my body. My mind going crazy. My heart shattered. The memories of his kiss, his touch, flood through my mind. I will never be okay. This will never be okay. Why? Why did he leave me? How could he do this to us? I couldn't help but wonder. Wonder how he did it. Wonder if I crossed his mind at all. I started to cry. I felt like I had cried so much I couldn't anymore. My phone rang for hours until it was finally silenced. I didn't want to talk. There was nothing anyone could say that would make this okay. My soul died with him.

I pick up the razor blade from the edge of the tub. I stare at its silver gleaming. Do I fear death? At this moment, the only thing I feared was living in a world without him. Never getting the chance to ever kiss his lips, feel his touch, or hear his voice ever again. At least 40 years was still a chance, now all I have is memories. Memories that would fade to nothing over time. I couldn't admit to myself before that I was hanging on to those 40 years. My heart completely shattered and reality set in. I glide the blade across my wrists and lay back. Red covers my body. My mind drifts away.

•••Flashback•••
Tony, Max, and I hop in the car to go on our last supply run before the drop. Tony and I are in the front and Max in the back. We pull onto the road and Max jumps half way up to the front.

"So glad that you two are out now. Tony can finally be semi-enjoyable and we all don't have to act like there's unknown sexual tension in the air."

"Shut up", Tony laughs and smacks him in the face.

Max turns the radio on full blast to Mariah Carey's Fantasy. "Oh when you walk by every night, talking sweet and looking fine!"

He taps Tony on the shoulder, "Come on dude sing it." Me and Tony look at each other laughing. "Absolutely not." Tony shifts in his seat and turns the music down.

"Come on McKenna, I know you will." Max holds his hand in front of me like a mic and turns the radio back up. We both start to sing together, "But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby! When I close my eyes, you come and take me!"

Tony laughs and rolls his eyes. We both start signing to him and jokingly caressing his face.

"Come on Tony we all know you can be a stick in the mud but have a fantasy. Her name is McKenna. Although she's absolutely way out of your league." Max grabs his cheeks and squishes them.
He swats him away, pulling into the lot of the store and parks.

"Yeah, you two sneaking off to make your sweet, sweet love making. It's 100% completely nauseating at times."

I raise my eyebrows and look at Tony, "I can't tell if you're joking or seriously jealous, Max. Love making? Is that what they call it?" Tony smirks at me saying nothing.

Max chuckles lightly and gets out of the car, "I guess you'll never know, pal." He emphasized the word pal. Mine and Tony's eyes are locked on each other. He just continues to smirk. "What?" I finally ask.

"Oh nothing, Royce. Someone's feeling a little passive aggressive about our frolicking." He kisses my forehead and opens the door to get out.

"Frolicking?" I say to myself rolling my eyes and annoyed by his obvious avoidance of the L word.

I feel myself growing sleepy and weak. It felt like everything started moving in slow motion. Red water pours onto the floor of my bathroom as my arms float beside me. My eyes feel heavier and heavier. I hear the door fly open and hands reach down to grab me. They yank me out of the tub.

"Jesus fucking Christ, McKenna! What have you done?!"
My body felt cold. I felt like I wasn't in my own skin. I was there but I wasn't.
"I need an ambulance, my friend tried to commit suicide she slit her wrists!"

Suddenly. I'm drifting off. I see his face come across my mind. Am I hallucinating?

"Royce, what did you do?"

"I love you, Tony. Why did you leave me?"

"I told you I wasn't capable of love. I told you I was just going to hurt you."

"That's not true, Tony. Please. I can't get you out of my head."

I awake to the beeping of a monitor. My eyes slowly trying to open. I see white. A white room. I feel cords connected to my body. The room is cold. I catch a glimpse of someone sitting in the corner.

"Max?" I ask finally seeing who it is.

"McKenna, oh my god. You're awake." He grabs my hand in his and kisses it gently. "What the hell were you thinking? JR is worried sick. I knew something was wrong when you didn't answer my calls..."

"...Max, I love him. I love him so much and it hurts so much. I can't do it." I start crying. Max hops up and climbs on the hospital bed with me and just holds me. I bury my head into his chest. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. I look down at my wrists at my new wounds. I wanted to blame someone for this. For all this pain. For Tony taking the easy way out. I had a list of people I could blame but my mind centered around one. Ombra Scuras. They double crossed us. They're the reason Tony was caught and behind bars. They tipped off the police. They deserved to pay. I wipe away my tears and take a deep breath. I steady myself as my body goes still and no longer trembles.

"Are you okay?" Max asks, noticing my sudden change in behavior. I feel my heart harden. My tears stop flowing. A burning surges through my body. The burning desire of revenge.

"How did he do it?"

Max takes a deep breath before answering, "I don't think it's a good idea to talk about this..."

"Please..." I beg him. I needed to know. "Did he leave a note? A reason?"

"No, nothing was left. Nothing was said."

I swallowed it like a pill. Hard to take but necessary. I needed to hear what happened to him. I needed the fire in my heart.

Once I felt well enough the hospital discharged me to go home. Max and the guys cleaned the tub and my bathroom before I returned. I walked through the door and everything felt different.

"I hate to do this but I have to go. I love you, McKenna. I have some things to take care of back at the mansion. I won't be back for a week. I'm going to call and check on you. Everyday. Answer my calls." He takes me in a strong embrace. I take in his leather cologne scent. His hugs, as always, felt familiar and warm. It wasn't enough to thaw my heart that was now frozen. I watch him walk out the door. I stand there for a moment making sure he's really gone. I turn around and sit at the kitchen table. Thoughts running through my mind. The faces of the Ombra Scuras that I wanted revenge on. This is not going to be easy. Especially going in this solo, but I am a Royce. A Diavoli Forti.

They are going to regret ever making a phone call that night.