Planet of the Stars

Chapter 53: Panic

We left the senate and headed back to our small ship when it was over. We all got on and headed back to the group of people. We dock back on our main ship and get out from the small one and head into the main ship. Efren and Helaina headed into the cockpit and Lars and Theo headed into their room. I sat in the main area and smiled when Loki hopped up onto the couch and whined for me to scratch him behind his ears.

I obliged and then started staring into the corner and my thoughts ran away from me. They swirled around my mind and they were telling me I'm not doing enough, and my life is constantly just a race from crisis to crisis. I felt my heart beating incredibly fast, and my breathing got incredibly shallow. I held my head in my hands and tried to stop the thoughts, but they just kept coming. I was startled back to the present when I felt two hands on my face.

Their face swam into focus and I realized it was Felicity. I forced myself not to jump back in surprise.

"What are you doing Flick?" I ask my breath coming in and out rapidly.

"Your eyes are dilated, and your breathing rate has increased significantly. You're having a panic attack. I need you to do something," Felicity says calmly.

I give her the slightest motion of a nod.

"Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, then breathe out for eight seconds," Felicity says softly.

she grabs my hand, then gently talks me through it telling me when to inhale and when to exhale. I listen to her and eventually my breathing returns to normal and my thoughts stop swirling maddeningly around my head. She keeps my hand in hers though. I assumed she was checking my pulse to see if my heartbeat had slowed down.

I nod my thanks at her. She softly lets go of my hand.

"It's okay. Your body was just doing that because it is an evolutionary honed way to adrenaline. Everything it was doing was to keep you safe and protect you," She says matter-of-factly.

I smile because she was unknowingly telling me that there was nothing wrong with me because of what just happened. I hug her before she could keep talking. She tensed I knew she wasn't used to this, but it didn't take her long before she wrapped her arms around me also. When I pulled away I let out a short laugh.

"Thank you," I say.

"It was nothing. I am after all an android who is assigned to take care of you," Felicity says.

I squeeze her hand.

"You're not just that. You're also a member of this crew and you are my friend," I say.

I see her smile and that makes me smile.

"If I may ask, what caused this panic attack to happen?" She asks.

I sigh, rest my forearms on my legs and stare into the corner. Loki was curled up by my right leg.

"Oh, you know. Thinking I'm not doing enough for the people I'm leading. Realizing my life has just been crisis after crisis, and I'm not even taking my time to get there I'm sprinting full force to get to the next one," I say and cover my face with my hands.

I feel the weight on the couch next to me go away, but then Felicity was crouched in front of me and she took my hands in hers and removed them from covering my face. When she spoke she was looking at me with a fierceness in her emerald green eyes that I had never seen before.

"Listen to me when I tell you this. You are not failing anyone you are leading. None of them know what you had to go through and are still going through just to get them to a home. They will never know what the trials are like for you. They do not know the toll they take on your body and your mind," Felicity says.

When she says mind she raises her hand and places it on the side of my face her fingers resting on my "mind".

"As for you sprinting from crisis to crisis. That is your choice, you can always slow down, and enjoy the downtime you get before you reach the next one. I won't tell you that the crisis' will stop, because I do not know if they will. I also know better than to tell you to stop looking for them. You could never be happy knowing that you could've stopped a crisis and you didn't," Felicity says.

I let out a soft smile.

"Thank you Flick," I say.

She smiles. She then seems to realize that her hand is still on the side of my face. She goes to take it off, but I catch it with my hand before she could and hold it there. She looks startled but doesn't pull away. A tear falls from my eyes and she wipes it away with her thumb before I lighten my grip on her hand she lowers her hand, but her fingers brush against my cheek before her hand leaves my face.