Please love me more than I hate myself||Hyunchan ff

3

In the middle of the night, I woke up, crying sweating and scared. Changbin rushed up and put his arms around me.
„Shh... It's ok. Calm down Innie. Everything is okay..."

Hyunjin POV

I slowly turned around and my alarm came into my sight 6:30

After my nightmare it took me long to fall asleep again. When I finally could it was already 5:30. I tapped om Changbins shoulder to wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes, strechted and then realized he had slept in my bed. Soon his expression changed from confused to worried and he looked at me. "Good morning, you ok now?" I nodded, and he seemed to believe me, cause he stood up to get ready for school.

I followed his example, and twenty minutes later we were sitting at the table to have breakfast. I didn't even try to explain why my plate was empty, but it didn't seem like anyone would even notice, so nevermind. After finishing breakfast I grabbed my stuff for school and went outside the door. But with every step getting closer to the bus an unwelcomed feeling grew in my stomach.

I tried to understand what it was and was surprised. I was afraid. Afraid to go to school, never happened before. Afraid to meet People, never happened before. Afraid that something bad will happen. Afraid, to eat at lunch. Afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid..., afraid...

Afraid to be judged.

Suddenly my breath got louder, I heard my heartbeat in my ears, and my lungs tightened. I felt like I couldn't breath. I tried to take deep breaths, but only had success after twenty tries. By that time, We had reached the bus station and i was completly exhausted. I fell down into a seat, and suddenly I got really cold. It was a little fresh this morning, but usually I had no problem with that...

„Hyunjin you coming mate ?" I didn't realize that we already reached the school, so I got up and hurried out if the bus.
„You seemed a bit off, is everything fine?" Changbin whispered in my ear, so nobody would notice. I nodded and gave my best to put a smile onto my face, but it was just a mask. A mask to cover up my emotions, how I really felt.
I entered the school hall and the strange feeling came back. But before it could get worse, Felix jumped into my focus. And when I say he jumped, I mean it. Gosh he was such a sunshine...

School was over by now, I've eaten noodles for lunch and actually I felt a lot better now. I had to take the bus alone because Changbin was with Felix and Jeongin was with a guy, I think his name was Seungmin or something. But whatever. I reached the bus station but when the bus arrived and the doors opened I couldn't move. So the doors just closed without me being inside.
What did just happen ?
I decided to just walk cause I didn't want what happened before to happen again. I reached my fathers house an hour later completely exhausted.
I went inside, took my shoes off and went to my room. I grabbed my small sketch book and a pen and started writing
I go outside
I enter the hellhole you call society
I hear their voices
Their mean words
Their comments
And all I want is them
To stop
Stop judging
Stop looking at me
I want to disappear from this hellhole
You call
Society
I startled as I heard the front door open. I closed my sketchbook so nobody could see what I just wrote. I heard Changbins voice from downstairs and rushed into the bathroom, I wasn't ready to see someone and as I looked into the mirror I realized it was good to disappear into the bathroom. My face covered in tears and my eyes were read and puffy. I hadn't even realized that I cried...
*knock knock*
„Hyunjin? You're in the bathroom?"
I nodded as an answer but then realized Changbin couldn't see it so I said
„Yeah, I'll be finish every second."
I heard his footsteps go quiet and let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I held.
Then I washed my face with cold water, and opened the door. I walked over to my bed, and felt Changbin eyes staring at me. I decided to ignore him, so I wouldn't have to answer any questions, I didn't even had an answer myself.
I laid down and soon fell asleep, dreaming about a demon, that followed me wherever I went, it sounds weird, but his eyes were like a scale and the numbers only got higher,
Never down.

I woke up by Changbin shaking me and saying my name. Without saying a word I let my body fall into his arms and he embraced me into a well needed hug.
„It's ok Innie. Nobody is chasing you it's ok... it's ok."
I calmed down and then realized it was already dark outside.
„Ehm Hyunjin? Your phone is ringing for 5 minutes already, maybe you should answer it."
With that he got up gave me an encouraging smile and left the room. I stared at the door where he had just left, feeling the emptiness and coldness coming back...
*ring*
a shiver went down my spine.
What if it's him?
I slowly reached for my phone and looked at the display.
Simon
The name I wanted to erase from my memories with all the horrible things he had said and did, and all the things he will do and say in the future...
I answered the call with a small
„Hello ?"
„Now you're answering the stupid phone. You dumb slut. I was calling you for the last minutes what were you doing?"
„I-I..."
He sounded so angry. I couldn't form a normal sentence so I just stuttered
„I-I s-sleeping..."
But he just cut me off
„Your lazy ass has better things to do than just laying there the whole day. You are already fat, you should burn some calories and then move your fat ass over to my house so I can have fun with you."
He ended the call and I sat there shocked and hurt by his awful words.
But I couldn't do anything else than what he wanted, so I got up, knowing that what would happen if I reach his house would leave scars deep on my soul, that would never ever disappear...
————————————————————Hi guys I'm really so so sorry for not uploading but I had a lot of stress with school and everything, but now I got sick and probably have more time to write.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please take care of yourself.
C🌻