The Diary Swap

Book 8

I didn't need to stand to have their attention, everyone could see me and they were watching me with great intent. I opened the book carefully and was met with y/n's neat, conjoined handwriting littered across the pages.

I knew instantly that this wasn't like the others.

"It's a poem," I smiled gently at the pages.

"A poem?" Evie frowned.

"Yes,"

I think y/n knew it was her's because she was avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"There were no rules apart from no names so here I go:

Dear diary,
I'm lost and I'm scared,
I'm stuck but prepared.
I'm ready but not,
I'm hurting and mocked.

My friends they're all gone,
My family too.
My memories mean nothing,
They mean nothing to me or to you.

My thoughts do not matter,
Whilst we shelter down here.
My fears are irrelevant,
For we all live in fear.

I do not fit in with anyone,
The purples, the blacks, or the greys.
I'm constantly trying to find someone,
But I've been trying this now for days.

The purples think I'm weak,
I'm weak and young and depressed.
And the blacks they do not want me,
For I'll only add to their stress.

They greys sometimes help though,
They ask when I'm down or upset.
It's a shame I can't tell them,
I'm just constantly trapped in my head.

And I miss the rain,
How it would settle in my skin,
And now it would create a wet sheet,
A sheet of cool water, so thin.

On a positive,
They're all dead.
Everyone who ever touched me,
Lying on the surface, above my head.

I know that I am mental,
I know that I'm not right.
I know that I'm not normal.
I know I'm not that bright.

But you don't even know my name,
You probably never will.
And you don't know my ability,
My ability to kill.

So I think it's really lovely,
That you love each other so much.
And I think it's really funny
How you never even spare me a look.

I'm going for some sleep now,
Some sleep away from this.
But I know that I'll just wake up,
Wake up and make that wish.

That wish where I can be loved.
The wish you all want me.
The wish where for once I matter,
But I know that wish will never be."

I closed the book gently and placed it back on the table, looking around for their reactions. At first there was nothing and then there were a lot of scared and confused faces.

"Y/n?" I whispered through the silence.

"Yes Ms Venable?"

"That was beautiful," a single tear rolled down my face. A few others were crying too.

"Is that your name? Y/n?" A very teary Dinah looked to y/n.

"Yes,"

"That was gorgeous y/n,"

"Thank you,"

"Next book?" I suggested and everyone agreed.