MISCHIEF'S DEMISE

I look over at Heimdall as I lay shivering on the great battlefield of Vigrior. He is hardly breathing, but alive. We both have lost a lot of blood and it is known that all is over. His eyes are drooping, the bright orange glow fading, but still he insists on keeping them open. I can still hear the faint cackle of fire but I can hear not a single soul. There is blood and bodies everywhere along with the remains of weapons and other mechanical parts; the remnants of the great Ragnarok, I think proudly. I am now tired. I want to sleep, but not till I see everything else perish around me. My whole body aches as I yield to Death.

Now I remember the days from my childhood. As a young boy I loved my father, eager to always prove myself to him. But he always overlooked my good deeds. I tried very hard, but all was in vain. While my brother wasted away his time, I remained awake for nights and studied and learnt. Thor had strength and his hammer. But without that what was he? I studied so hard, trained so hard, did so much and what I got in return? Only pain and suffering. No one ever found any fault with him. But I received the punishment nonetheless. I had almost regarded myself as a failure. Until one day I discovered that my father was not Odin. I was the son of a Jotunn, the frost giant Laufey. I also discovered that Odin had never regarded me as his son. For him, I was just a weapon; a weapon to avoid war. He never wanted to give away my identity as his son since I was the child of a monster and I was a sorcerer, in fear that if I grew strong and overthrew him and took over Asgard? A powerful wizard ruling a kingdom would have been too much for him to handle. So I gave them what they feared. It is true that "everyone only sees what they wish to see." So be it.

I loved my brother Thor. We fought so many battles together. He loved me too after all. But because of Odin's unfair treatment, discrimination, we grew apart and a hate took birth inside of me. But deep within I had always loved him.

I loved my mother. She never treated us unequal. She taught me about myself. Whenever I was hurt and sad, she pulled me to her arms and soothed me and comforted me. Perhaps she was the only one who ever loved me truly. Frigga never deserved this death. But the faults of a king has to be suffered by his family and subjects. It was out of my competence to help. I miss her.

When everyone else was praised and cheered after the battles, though I did my best and had had succeeded in a lot more ways, I always had to lie behind, crouching under the shadow of their greatness. Even before I grew up, everyone had already perceived I was evil. Even before I could explain myself, they already declared me guilty. I tried so much but none ever saw that. I fought and fought with my conscience that left me in a state of torment. But then my acts of vengeance was born out of isolation rather than malevolence.

I never wanted to hurt people and cause them peril. But such was my fate that I always found myself amidst troubles. Even though they were not to be completely my fault, I was always the one to be blamed. Nobody realized that "no one is ever truly good and no one is ever truly evil." No one ever gave me the chance to be good. If only someone told me that they are willing to love me and give a chance despite what happened, I might have had a change of heart. I admit that I was not a good person. But I tried, didn't I? But what did I get in return? A shallow of nothingness. I do not enjoy hurting people. I don't. If only ever I got some unconditional love, some respect, this might not happened.

But what did I wish for that was so difficult for the Aesirs to give me? I just wanted a throne, a name, a recognition, some love, some respect. I asked what I deserved. But they paid no heed to me. They call themselves deserving, a suit to the throne, merciful. But were they? The inability to rule and be a justified being weighed down upon their subjects. Odin might have succeeded in being a good ruler, but he failed as a father. Because of him I lost everything, everyone. I do not regret whatever I did to them. They got what they deserved; yet they deserved more. They all got consumed by my flames. Now because of them all the nine realms suffered, though innocent.

I accept that I was a trouble maker but I did a lot for the gods too. I saved my mother, Frigga from being given to a builder who offered the Aesirs to build a wall around Asgard in exchange for her, the sun and the moon. The gods agreed with time restrictions. To their dismay the builder, with the help of his horse Svadilfari worked quickly and looked like he would complete the job by the deadline. So I prevented him from finishing the wall around Asgard by turning into a mare and seduced Svadilfari away from his task, thereby slowing down the job's progress. The builder then enraged, revealed himself to be a Jotunn, whereupon Thor arrived and crushed his skull. Meanwhile, I, as a mare, with Svadilfari conceived and birthed a foal with eight legs, Sleipnir. I then presented him to Odin. If the giant might have finished in time, the gods would have had to give them away. I even helped Thor get back his hammer after it was stolen by Prymr, a Jotunn. I also served as both Thor's and Odin's traveling companion on many adventures. But then I realized none of it really mattered to them.

I now remember the time in Aegir's feast. I, being the god of fire was too much hot tempered and annoyed in the palace of the water god. But while serving the royal mead, they deliberately missed me out. I got angry and cursed them in turn. They humiliated me on purpose and expected me to behave well. I was always subjected to mistreatment. Tell me if I was wrong. I also remember the time when my lips were sewn shut as a punishment by the dwarfs.

You see, I never wanted to kill Baldur. But he was this perfect god whom everyone loved. But he was stealing all the attention and everything else from me. I got jealous. After I found out that only the mistletoe had the ability to hurt him, I created a spear out of it and handed it to the blind man Hodr and he succeeded in piercing his heart. I accept that I did wrong. But then what they did to me, I will never forget. The gods captured me and brought me to a cave; naked and afraid. They took three rocks which they bored holes. Then they brought in my two beloved sons, my life; Vali and Nari. The ruthless gods turned Vali into a wolf in front of my own eyes. I watched powerlessly and frightened as my one beloved son tore apart the helplessly screaming and flailing body of the other. I had to witness everything. Then they took the entrails of Nari and bound me with that. The gods took pleasure in seeing me that way. I remember Skadi placed a venomous serpent just above me which when dropped its saliva would burn my skin. I cried out in so much in agony that it shook the whole of the Earth. My wife, Sigyn heard my cries and as loyal as she was, decided to stay with me. She all through the years remained beside me, holding a bowl above me. The poison from the snake would drop into it as she collected them and again emptied them when they became full. I loved her. But then I did not kill her; she was murdered. But what did my wife and children do to suffer for my sins? I had no remorse in punishing the people who were responsible for their deaths. In a similar way, all the nine realms suffered too; just like my innocent wife and sons. I think of them with each and every breath of mine.

The Aesirs even took away my other children, Fenrir, Jormungandr and Hel to the middle of nowhere when they were just little without even my consent. So tell me was my rage frivolous? Was my blood thirst unreasonable? That was that. I received my punishment till the end of time and then I became pure fire and consumed my chains with my inferno of destruction.

My mortal lovers were also good. So many years have passed but still I remember them. But they were driven mad and died a cruel death. But what could I do? I was kept away from visiting them. They deserved better. Now when I look back, I see my faults. But it is too late. I mourn for all of them.

I am to be taken as an example for mothers to tell their children. They warn their little seedlings to not be like me. Only if they taught them instead that no one is completely bad. No one is born a villain but turn into one owing to the circumstances and even people like them yearn for affection and attention. This was the great story of the God of Mischief that is to be told from mouth to mouth in the next haven. It is going to be yet another beginning.

Now the nine realms are being consumed by darkness as I lay here waiting. I wish to see till the end. I can feel it coming, slowly and steadily. I shut all my senses. Heimdall has already gone. I smile to myself. My wishes came true as the last laugh was always mine. I now close my eyes waiting for everything to get over at last. Finally the time has come. Everything goes silent. And now I can feel and know no more.