Bromances - One Direction

Goodbye. [Zianourry]

A painful silence was spreading in the room. Zayn kept staring at the ceiling while sighs were leaving his lips. The boys sat in front of him and he knew he needed to tell it to them. He was leaving the band. It wouldn't be One Direction anymore, nobody would hit the high notes like him anymore, nobody would be the 'Bradford Bad-boy'. But he knew he couldn't do this any longer. All he was feeling was the depression that was ripping his heart out and being smashed against a wall. He couldn't smile anymore, he couldn't be happy. His heart was replaced with a dark hole and tears were the real thing about him. It was only the depression now, he didn't cut, didn't stopped eating but he knew he would. He would if he needed to be this insecure and scared forever. He wasn't happy anymore, even the therapist knew it. The woman who never saw him, but just looking at him was pure sadness. He felt their eyes buring at his skin while tears kept dripping over his cheeks.

'I.... I can't do this anymore...' He started. It was the only this he could say before cracking into full-crying and falling in Liam's arms, sobbing and desperate to his touch. How bad he wanted to tell more, he could'nt do it. 'Babe...' Harry's deep voice sounded it the room, Zayn kept looking at the ground but he heard the sadness in his voice. 'What happend?' He was clearly confused about what Zayn was saying but the look in Louis' eyes explained everything. He knew it. He knew everything. How sad Zayn was, how he would smoke joints with him, forgetting the pain. 'Zayn is depressed...' He whisperd. His happy voice changed and his eyes weren't shining like always. 'I saw his medicine. I saw his diary.' Nialls laugh fills the room, 'Good joke guys. Now, what's the real deal?' Being his normal and funny self, he really thought it was a joke. Well, he hoped it was. 'It... It isn't a joke... Sorry guys. I'm quitting the band...' Zayn mutters. He stands up, wiping the tears away. 'I can't do this anymore. I am not happy.' 

Liam was laying on his back, Zayn on top of him and his hands rubbing his back. Zayn was crying his heart out while Liam kept whispering sweet nothings. 'It will be alright baby. I accept your choice... Just... Just tell me why you are like this..' His voice was desperate as he hugged him even closer, wanting to keep him safe for the world. 'I am gay. My dad hates me, my mum hates me. Everyone hates me.. Just don't leave me..' His voice isn't as pretty as normal, it isn't perfect. It's broken and desperate for help. 'Me too.' Before Zayn even realises what Liam says, he feels a pair of lips on his own. Smiling a bit in the kiss, he deepens the kiss, letting his fingers tangle in Liams hair as he finally feels a bit loved, for once. Liams lips feel a bit rough, but he still tastes like mint and something sweet. Like his personality. 'I love you' They whisper. Right after they broke the kiss, because that's what they felt. Love.

He left, after sweet love making with Liam and lots of 'I love you's' it was time to say goodbye to Louis. He was his rock to hold on and he was the only one who knew everything. Being gay himself Zayn just ran at him and told him everything until he felt better. They even kissed, making sure of his feelings. And after the kiss he was sure, he was gay. They were leaning against a wall, a joint in his hands while the smoke was dripping out of his mounth. Louis' head was on his lap and a hand was playing with his hair. 'Lou... I need to tell you something...' He giggled, a blush spreading his cheeks. He looked happy and normal, but he still wasn't. 'Me and Liam fucked...' Louis started to laugh loud, taking over the joint and sitting up straight. Talking about Liams dick, weed, unicorns and how bad he wanted to suck Harry of. He was the one that was the for him, the one he could tell everything. Trust.

Tears stopped flowing when he was with Niall. Niall made him smile, even though it was fake, he forgot about his feelings for a couple minutes. It would take a couple beers, some grinding and Niall's laugh and he will forget it. It always happens at the times they were out, partying all night while Niall hung on his neck and trying to make out with him. He didn't need to think about what would happen tomorrow, just about living and trying to have a bit fun. He used to be close to Niall and everything, but it changed. He changed. But he still was his best friend for a laugh. 'Niall.... I love you....' He said, while they were on the bed of some hotel. The others left but they stayed inside, to keep eachother warm, cuddling closer to eachother and telling things without a care in the world. 'Yeah I understand that. I am pretty cool.' A short chuckle left Zayn's lips, making him forget about it for a minute. Friendship.

Harry was the last one he needed to see. And knowing it would be hard, he breathed out a sigh. Harry would always come to him, talking about how he wasn't sure about his feelings anymore. While he slowely opend the door to Harrys room, Harry ran to him and hugged him close. 'I am so sorry Zayn. I'm so sorry... I just... I can't tell you...'  He sobbed into Zayns neck. His eyes wend wide, he knew the shit Harry was dealing with and hearing him cry like this, he couldn't handle it. On a night Harry ran into his room, telling me how he felt fat, how he threw up everything, just to stay skinny since he didn't had the sixpack he wanted. How he needed to look perfect for Louis, because he wanted to impress him. 'God Harry.... You are okay baby. It will go better I promise.' He whispers while placing kisses on his cheek. 'I am here for you, even though I will leave the tour.' That was the news Harry didn't want to hear, he started to cry even harder, saying nothing anymore. Knowing that he would be there. Forever.

And that is how it ended. How One Direction wasn't One Direction anymore. Zayn left, running away from all his belongings, ending in England again, with nothing to worry about anymore. Because he knew the pain would end soon. That he would get what he wanted..

Gosh. That was kinda hard, but I enjoyed writing it...

-X- Tamara