The feeling of being deeply hurt for the first time is like dying again and again. I can't stop thinking of all the times I'm with him, regretting the day I fell in love with him but wishing to get back all the good times we spent together. Then I'll ask myself where did I go wrong? and after that I began to hate him but still want him back. He could have just killed me, I don't want to feel this way.
*flashback
"Hey Ash! Where are we going?"
"On a date !" he answered.
Ashton Irwin is my first boyfriend, first love, first kiss, first everything. I know he had been in many relationships before me and he got a reputation on making girls cry but I guess not for me 'coz we've been dating for a year now.
"What's the occasion?!" I asked .
"Why? Is there a need for an occasion to go on a date!?" he said smiling at me.
"You're really the sweetest! That's why I love you!" I kissed him on the chick.
We went to a theme park then watch a movie. We really had fun. After dinner, he drive me home.
When we arrived, I kissed him then went out of the car.
"Becca wait!" he said getting out of the car then went close to me.
"Why babe?"
"Look, I gotta tell you something. "
"What is it Ash?" I asked though I'm kinda nervous.
"Remember my new band?"
"Yes, why?"
"We're going on a tour with One Direction. "
"Really ?! that's great news!! I'm so proud of you babe!" I said and gave him a warm hug.
It's just weird he didn't hug back.
"The thing is.." he pauses.
I stared in his eyes. I'm having a bad feeling of what he will say next.
He grabbed my hands and let out a heavy breathe.
"I don't think it's gonna work out for us."
I can't utter a word, I was in a state of shock.
"Becca listen, I love you, I really do but I'll be away for long and I don't think it's gonna work out. I'm sorry. " he said.
"But Ash, How do you know it's not going to work!? Tell me, Are you seeing some other girl!?" I asked, tears streaming down my face.
"No Becca, I think this is good for both of us. If we really are for each other then we will be. My dreams are starting to come true and I'm not gonna let it pass. I'm really sorry. Goodbye. " He turns away.
"Ashton please don't do this to me!" I grabbed his hands but he left without looking back.
I got down on my knees while crying alone in front of our home then I passed out.
*end of flashback
I grabbed the razor and cut my wrist. I've been self-harming for how many years now.
Seeing them on T.V makes me more miserable. I bet he's banging many girls right now. I hope his happy for that. But the fact that he left me to fulfill his dreams makes me want to kill myself because of too much pain.
I'm remembering everything that happened again and my head really hurts. I've had enough so I ran out of the house and wandered through the streets not minding anything when I suddenly felt that I was thrown away. My sight became blurry.
I heard a very familiar voice calling me. I don't know who was it.
"Becca! Oh my gosh! Are you okay? Becca please answer me!"
"Becca..
"Becca..
"Becca..
I passed out.
