Under the lights tonight || Park Jimin

17

It had taken surprisingly less time for Jimin and me to drink the entire bottle. I had assumed it would have taken us until the bar closed but after only 2 hours we had drained the bottle. That was the downside of wine this nice, only 3 glasses each had us both a little more tipsy than either of us had planned. Sober me would absolutely hate how his hand was on my thigh and his thumb was rubbing circles while we drank but my intoxicated mind had other plans. It felt nice to be close to him like that. We had been talking about all sorts of things and Jimin had managed to pull secrets out of me like the fact that I was a dancer for many years. Upon hearing that he had paid the tab and in our tipsy haze dragged me outside, hand in hand. We giggled together as we hopped in a cab. Normally I wouldn't allow someone to just drag me into a cab without telling me where we were going but something about the way Jimin's eyes were lighting up as we went on further made me feel safe. To an outsider we must look like a couple, Jimin has an arm around my shoulders and my head is resting against him. We are anything but that. I would consider us friends after tonight, nothing more no matter how much Jimin tries.
"Where are we going?" I pull away from him to look up at him. His dress shirt was wrinkled and at some point, he had undone a couple more buttons, his toned chest was quite visible. My straightened hair has ended up in a messy bun and my makeup was most likely smudged.
"We're going to dance." He laughs, covering his face with his hands.
I pause, lifting my wrist to look at my watch, "It's the middle of the night." I thrust the watch into his face.

He laughs again, swatting the watch away from his face, "Okay?" He questions.

"All the studios are gonna be closed."

"But I'm Park Jimin."

I roll my eyes, "You're gonna pull that card?"
"Of course," he laughs as the cab comes to a stop. Jimin swiftly pays the cab driver, "We're going to break into BigHit." He laughs, as he throws the door open, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the cab behind him.

"Jimin!" I shout as he pulls me towards the doors, "What are we doing here?" We stop outside the doors as he pats down his pockets. He fishes a key card from a pocket before unlocking the building.

"Let's dance," He smiles, pulling me into the building, spinning me around the lobby which was only lit by the emergency lights, "Follow me." He pulls me through the lobby, both of us stumbling along the way.

I scoff as we make it halfway through the lobby, "You're going to yank my arm off."

"I'm just excited to get to the studio." He urges, pressing the elevator button, still sure he was going to get me to dance.

"I'm not excited." I sigh, my drunken state making it even harder to pretend to be as excited as Jimin is.

His eyes widen, "It'll be fun!"

"It'll be far from fun Jimin." I finish the sentence as the elevator dings and Jimin pulls me into the elevator with him.

"What?" His face drops as the doors shut, "You said you love to dance." We take the quick ride up to the 7th floor.

"I did. Not anymore." I cross my arms across my chest, avoiding contact with him anymore. My skin burns where it lost contact with him. The elevator opens and we go out. I follow behind Jimin, sobering up more as we walk.

"Why not anymore?" He asks, swinging the door to the studio open, flicking the lights on.
"I haven't danced since I was young," I shrug, not wanting to delve into the real reasons, "I won't be any good."

"Just try," He urges, his grip on my hand tightening, "It may be fun."

"Jimin I don't want to." I lean against the wall as he moves to the center of the room.

"You don't like to do anything anymore do you?" He snaps, "I mean you live your life like you're a victim of everyone around you."

I'm taken aback by his remark, "Well not all of us can have a perfect life, Mr. Idol." I huff.

"Yeah, your situation sucks I know," Jimin snaps once more, "Maybe instead of throwing yourself a pity party or complaining to everyone why don't you try to do something to make it better?"

I pause at the remark, I didn't expect it, much less from him. It shouldn't feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, especially because it's just a comment from Jimin, a man I barely know but it feels like my heart has been stepped on. I peel myself away from the way, "You don't know anything about me Jimin. What gives you the right to make assumptions about me when you don't know me?" I raise my voice, tears threatening to escape.
"Well maybe I don't know anything because you refuse to give me the tiniest bit of information about yourself," He raises his voice to a similar volume, "I have to beg you to tell me anything. I don't even know why you're back in Korea when all you do is say you hate it here."

"You want to know why I'm in Korea?" I snap, "My dad died and now I'm left as the legal guardian of two boys I don't even know! I haven't seen them in years so what do I do now? See not everything is what you think it is Jimin!"

Jimin's face softens completely, I can see the regret in his face, "I may be flirting with you a lot but have you ever thought I may really want to be your friend?" He says softly, just loud enough for me to hear across the empty dance studio.

That was the final blow the tears came raining down, "No one ever wants to just be my friend, I'm not that girl. You think I'm some beautiful and funny girl when I am anything but I'm rigid and have so many more responsibilities than someone my age should. My aunt tells me I'm aging myself by the day, I'm not like you Jimin, I don't know how you live this carefree life because some of us have to face the real world. And honestly," I pause, "I'll never be the girl you think I am." The last sentence comes out above a whisper. Jimin and I sit in utter silence staring at each other, neither of us sure what to say or do.

The silent standoff lasts a few minutes before Jimin paces over to be beside me, "You're probably right," His hand comes up to cup my cheek softly, thumb tracing over my cheekbone, wiping a tear away, "You are more responsible than me and I probably do get to mess around more than you do." Jimin pauses, closing the gap between us, "But you know you don't have to do any of this alone." His body is only a few inches from mine and his face is so close to mine as well.
I shake my head and pull out of Jimin's grasp, "I've got to go." The quiet statement is the last thing I mutter before pulling away from Jimin completely. I head out of the studio and into the hall. I race to the elevator trying to avoid Jimin, whose footsteps were coming behind me. I get into the elevator and head to the first floor, digging my phone out of my clutch. I dial the cab company number that I had used earlier, "I'm at the BigHit building." That was all I muttered before a cab was confirmed to be coming for me. The elevator ride was a lot longer than it was before. I sobered up like I hadn't drank at all tonight. I get out of the elevator on the first floor and saunter to the door slowly. I wandered out onto the street and into the cab, wondering where to go from here.

Maybe Jimin was right, maybe I don't have to do this alone but I'm sure going to try. I don't need anyone, especially someone who thinks they can fix me.