I hurt myself today,
the hurt and the pain and the horrible names,
they all went away,
I can't remember the first time that I had
felt this way.
I'm covered in scars on the inside,
on the outside it's just
endless bruises,
cuts from my nails and my words and my teeth,
blood on my towels,
blood in the sink.
I'm bleeding too much and I can't think,
straight ahead of me there's something I see,
Right there in the mirror,
someone's looking right back at me.
They smile.
That's not me.
I can't make myself feel
I can't make myself feel at all.
Nobody asks me questions,
nobody wonders 'cuz nobody cares,
even through the whispers and forgotten stares,
the names and the pushes,
the kicks and trips,
these scrapes on my locker are long-forgotten
reminders of my personality,
the curses of myself,
the stricken, cold reality.
These dry eyes and bloodshot mercy,
hot-thinking strategy, broken humanity,
fallen in place with beatings and shame,
given a headstone, ahead of infame.
Just give us a gun, run for the streets,
be more civil than the war itself,
fun-coiling, non-thinking, just-doing,
not-listening, never-hoping, just-forgetting,
only-breaking, severe-fooling-
JUST TOO DAMN DIRTY FOR THIS.
I hurt myself today.
the hurt and the pain and the horrible names,
they all went away,
I can remember the first time that I had
felt this way.
