[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 36

reverie: absent-minded dreaming while awake; an abstracted state of absorption

» jaemin's pov // 4 years ago »

i shoved taeyong against the locker, getting up close to his face. the school hallway was empty, but i could care less if anybody saw.

"tell me again," i growled, "what you just said." i tightened my grip on his shirt and pulled him even closer to my face.

taeyong shrugged. "i kissed her in the gym because of a dare."

i felt the sudden rise of anger consume me. i punched the space beside taeyong's head, feeling in just enough control to not break his sharp nose. "you fucking KNOW i lov- like her. and you did it anyway. what happened to bro code, you asshole?"

"i don't care about that shit."

"that's not the fucking point. you're going to hurt her. she's not just my crush, she's also my best friend." i was doing this for you, ara.

the silence was thick as nobody spoke. i stared out at the school's entrance, wondering how a friendship could go so wrong. it was taeyong, the guy i believed would jump in front of a train for me. take a bullet for me. yet he couldn't even control his hormones to protect my feelings. i closed my eyes but didn't loosen my hold.

"i'm sorry...i played her," taeyong cried softly. i opened my eyes and glared at him. the world flashed red.

"boohoo," i snarled. "and now she likes you. because you're oh-so-cool, lying about not having your first kiss yet."

"that's true, but—"

"she follows you around just to say hi to you, and you just ignore her! i can handle her not liking me, but liking my so-called best friend? who kissed her—my crush—for a dare? you're crazy, taeyong. crazy. i can't believe you. she fell for you."

taeyong had enough manners to look apologetic. yet it was so fake, and i tasted bile in my throat. "jaemin..."

"what?" i snapped.

"she's not worth losing you," he said, surprising me. "really."

"oh?" i raised an eyebrow. "but you did it on purpose."

"n-no, i like her...too."

"did you really, before you even kissed her?"

silence was his only response. "i like her now," he said slowly. "but you—i love you more. you're my best friend." i almost snorted in his face. everything about him screamed fake.

"then let me have her back."

"i can't do that. jaemin," he swallowed. "i fell for her too. i'm sorry jaemin, but i'm going to truly ask her out soon."

and in my heart i already knew, i had lost kwan ara.

collapsing to the floor on my knees, i ugly cried, with my face turning red and swelling up. all taeyong could do was rub my back pathetically, until he got tired and left me all alone, just like how i knew life would be like from now on.

lonely.

——

» kwan ara's pov // present »

sighing, i washed my face with cold water. there went the small breakfast i had, if it could even count as breakfast. it had been half an apple, which was supposed to be my safe food. looking at myself in the mirror, seeing the dark bags and messy look, i decided to skip martial arts today. nobody would miss me, anyway.

my phone buzzed, reminding me of the world outside of my head. "do something good today! it's okay to remember the positive past," my very positive positivity app said.

so then, on the spot, i decided to go see an old friend.

——

» kwan ara's pov // an hour later »

"you have fucking bruises!" miyeon, my childhood best friend, screamed at me with a deathly grip on my shoulders.

i shoved her and backed away. in fear. "i love him too much! you don't understand."

"no, i DO understand. and i also know you need to leave him. it's for your own good." tears streaked her face. "please, ara," her voice cracked.

blood rushed to my head. how dare she tell me how to live my own life? "i'm leaving."

"oh, so you can say it to me but not him? him who hits you everyday?"

i paused. "how do you know that he hits me?" she shouldn't have known. i covered all my bruises carefully and made sure to smile.

she grinned, in such a bitter way that it sent shivers down my spine. "i'm not stupid. and i think i can recognize the signs...from certain events in my life. now leave, like you said you were. but tell him the exact same thing."

"STOP SAYING THAT! i love him, okay?"

"NO, you fucking don't. you love the idea of a past him. but he's gone. you need to leave. i promise, you'll find another love, i promise." 

"stop trying to manipulate me!"

"why would i ever do that to you, ara? listen to me ara, you will find somebody better."

i laughed loudly. "oh, just like you did? very funny, coming from you, miyeon. all you do now is fuck other men. slut." immediately, i regretted my words. i may have been angry, but she was my best friend. yet it was too late to take them back now.

her lips tightened in suppressed fury. "i see."

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean- i mean- i didn't know where that came from-" i cried.

"oh, you did. you did. i want you to leave. don't come back unless i say so."

respecting her wishes, i quickly exited her room. "i'm sorry," i whispered before turning the corner and getting out of her sight.

she snorted. "me too. i fucking hate men. now, i better not see another bruise on you, covered or not. because even though i hate you right now, i hate the bruises on you more." she smiled in truce. i didn't deserve the kindness she gave me, despite my harsh words.

i was silent. her smile dropped, and then i left.