EGOIST (Sang Woo x Fem!OC) [COMPLETED]

52

It was like drowning in endless bedding, or feeling the unnatural coldness of the room that was once her safe place. Fluorescent lights that made her nauseous, or anything that sounded like gunshots that would make her jump, look around, expecting a body to fall but then she just woke up. It's an endless cycle of waking up in places she does not even remember being in. Her bedroom, the living room, the big, big, house she'd gotten, yet it still felt empty. Sometimes she would wake up with Cheol shaking her awake from a nightmare she'd forget in an instant, but the fear was still there. It has been like this for a year.

Sometimes she'd see the faces in her dreams, but she couldn't recall their names or numbers. Or sometimes, it would be faceless people in green tracksuits, remembering their screams and voices that haunt her at night. Either way, no matter what methods she used to keep these memories away, they always find a way to haunt her at night.

She wakes up with a jolt and panic screaming, cold sweat, and sweat-soaked sheets, as she scrambles around her bed as if she was looking for something, but then... There was nothing to be found. She didn't even know what she was looking for. It took her a little moment to eventually calm down as the warmth of her bedroom brought her back to reality, breathing heavily to suppress the bad images away. Then the little tyke standing by her doorway catches her attention.

"Eonni..." He calls out to her calmly, though his voice was laced deeply with concern. This is how he was when he was awfully worried, standing by idly with his hands fidgeting the hem of his sweatshirt.

"Cheol--" She breathed in surprise. Sae-byeok looks around the room to assess. The room was relatively lighter now, with dawn breaking ever so slightly that gave the room a little more light.

"It's too early. What are you doing up?"

Her brother does not say anything but stares at her.

"You've been screaming." He says. "It's gotten worse this time."

"It has?" She sighs, running her hands through matted hair. "Did I wake you?"

He just nods softly.

"I'm sorry." She sighs.

"Noona..." He begins again, though this time finally stepping into the territory of her bedroom. His step was small and nimble, hesitant but concerned. "Is everything okay?"

Sae-byeok just nods as she waves the younger boy away, coming up with some excuse about work or something, or it was just the exhaustion getting to her brain. Though she knew it didn't work on him. Cheol wasn't stupid, but it was enough to make him shut up about it.

He does not move from the door frame, instead watches his sister go about the room, pacing to keep her heart rate down. This is what their mornings usually look like. Waking a little too early or a little too late, basking in the still lingering emptiness that 22.7 billion won could not fill. Not even the view from their apartment window, or the stocked-up pantry in their kitchen. And the worst part, Sae-byeok thought, is the incommunicable distance that had grown between her and Cheol. She could not even fathom how to tell him--or how he could even comprehend the complexities of what she has been through to get them to where they are now. Their mother's transfer from the North to the South has been going smoothly, but has been taking a while. Loans and debts were off their backs. They have a roof above their heads and an endless amount of food to keep them full. They're together now, but they also feel so far apart. And Cheol could feel it; that she is hiding something from him. But to Sae-byeok, she's just protecting him from what she has been through.

Just pain and an endless amount of it, piling up on her chest, evident in the scar on her leg and hands. Cuts from steak knives and rope burns that now seem like a hazy memory, although she wants to forget them; she could not. She could never. So Cheol watches instead, on how his big sister copes with the hell she had been through. He could never understand, so he just watches and waits, in case she needs him to be there; in case he needs to be the big brother this time.

Their daily routine goes smoothly; of Sae-byeok dropping Cheol off to school, then train rides across the city, gathering documents for her mother's immigration, documents for tasks she had been assigned to, walking around the city; visiting Ssangmun-dong once in a while. Today, in the winter season, the street market is rather quiet. The shop that had once been lively was stagnant. The familiar old lady that mans the shop sits by, waiting for potential customers that would buy squid, a mackerel, or anything from her menu. But Sae-byeok never really went to this shop for mackerels.

Mrs. Cho immediately stands at the sight of the girl, concerned to be seeing her in Ssangmun-dong once again. She only usually visits in those specific times or when she is tasked to give Mrs. Cho her monthly pay. "What brings you here?" She rushes over to the child who waits outside her booth."

"It's too early for my pay, isn't it?" She asks the kid.

"I'm visiting him today." Is all she tells her. "Is there anything you would want me to tell him?"

Mrs. Cho's face falls into disappointment. He still refuses her visit.

"Just..." She sighs. "Make sure that he is doing well, alright?"

Sae-byeok nods.

There is a pause, before Mrs. Cho begins again, looking at the kid with motherly warmth.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?"

Sae-byeok shakes her head. Mrs. Cho smiles, beckoning the kid to come into the warmth, as she prepares a bowl of steamed rice and fried fish, kimchi, and hot tea. In the subtle warmth of the little shop, the two dine together in comfortable silence.