Feels Like Drowning

I feel like drowning.As I desperately tried to reach the surface of the water,the cruel comparison and humiliating words overwhelming me little by little.As I finally reached the surface,I eagerly and greedily breath in the air.The air,made of love, kindness and care.And it gave me hope,the hope that I won't go back to the underwater and just float.Float and breathe all the air in the world,full of love,care and kindness.But of course,happy things never last forever.The tides pulling me back to the water, taking me to comparison and humiliation from love,kindness and caring.And then again,I desperately try to reach the surface again.But on the way I can't help but breath in some of the water,the water filling my lungs little by little.Breathing in some of the water taking a toll on me,tiring and paining me.But,when I reached the surface of the water again,the same hope coming to my mind.This cycle repeating like it would never end.

But I fear.I fear that one day,I would be too tired to reach for the surface.And let the water do whatever they want to do to me.And just breathe in the water, filling my lungs with it,let it overwhelm me.Falling deeper and deeper.And looking back to my life searching what I did wrong to deserve this.But it will be over.Peace would overwhelm me,a thing that I never had in underwater and even at the surface.Just a little more cycle and there will finally be peace.No more drowning.