If you love me.... {bokuaka angst}

If you loved me...

if you love me...

a bokuaka story

"Hey agashi!!!" bokuto practically screamed into my ear. "hey bo." i say trying not to alert him to the fact i was upset and overwhelmed. "do you need to squeeze my hand? are you ok?" he asked a concerned look creeped onto his face. clearly it didn't work seen as he's asking these questions. "i'm fine bo, just thinking." i say and almost immediately get a response. "oh what about?" he says suddenly chipper again. "the fact you aren't there." there was a pause "keji if you love me..." he takes a shaky breath and says "let me go... please." he says tears threaten to leave my eyes as the image of my smiling boyfriend fades into flashing blue and red lights. the sound of sirens and the blood stained snow with his pale lifeless skin and his dull empty eyes. the flowers and the owl plush i bought drop, it was our 3 year anniversary. he was on the way home. he almost made it he was a block away but he.. didn't. he was taken to hospital and declared dead. time of death 23:43. he was soon taken away to a rather cold room and put into a 7 foot long box that slid in and out of the wall. that was the end, the end of our story.

i get a cab back home and run up to the front door scrabbling for my keys and put them into the lock. i open the door and rush to the bathroom, i put the plug in the bath tub and start the water. i search frantically in the medicine cabinet until i find it. a razor blade. i get it ready and start to cut vertically along my wrist. blood pours everywhere as i do it to the other i turn the water off and sit down into the bath. i start to feel dizzy and so i cut my right wrist one more time. fighting to stay conscious i look at the photo of me and my boyfriend. i smile, i was content with him being the last thing i saw. everything goes black i feel my body go limp and slide into the warm soothing water and i take my last breath of air.

"bo? BO?! where are you?!" i screamed

"i'm right here keji. i'm here." he said and reached for my hand. i tried to grab it but he pulled it away. "if you touch me, your leaving your sister and kenma alone. you know your the only one they have. " i hesitated before reaching back out to try and grab him. "koutoro please.." i mumble as he keeps backing away "fight. fight akashi fight because you have a choice you can go do great things and meet great people. fight. that's all i ask." he says and starts to fade.

i regain consciousness and gasp for air realizing i'm under water. i sit up and grab two towels to wrap my arms in. struggling to grasp them i crawl out of the tub so i can reach. i feel myself going dizzy again so i fight and i fight hard. i wrapped my arms in the towel and held them above my heart. i grabbed my phone from the counter and dialed 911. "he-hello i would like to report... an emergency." i say trying not to fall unconscious again. "yessir what is your issue?" she says and starts typing. i presume she's tracking my phone. "i... i tried to... kill myself. the address is 803 star street... please help." i say and feel my body start to go numb. with my last movement i push my arms to rest above my head as i fall face first into the toilet, drunk style.

5 years later

it had been a normal day for me, i went on a walk, and to visit bo's grave. it still hurt that he was gone but i'm glad i still get to see him, well his grave stone at least, but that's enough for me. bokuto wasn't one to dwell on sadness instead he would smile and start to sing anything that would come to mind. i get to my neighborhood, the same corner where bo died. i look at it and begin to feel sad knowing that's where the love of my life died. so in bokutos honor i start singing sweet tooth by cave town. "sweet tooth.. for you i'm wide awake" i hear a voice come from behind when i start walking away and towards my house. "the sugar went straight to my brain.." i turn around to see a kid with golden yellow eyes and a wide smile he must have been 5 or so. it reminded me of bo so i smiled and waved back. when i go to turn away the his arm catches mine and stops me, i turn to tell him to let go but then he says. "im proud of you keji. you fought and you fought hard-" i cut him off with a blank stare and my jaw dropping. "wh- how- how do you know my name-" he then cuts me off and says "he loved you like really loved you you know?" i stay there wide eyed but snap back to reality when i realize he's walking away. "WAIT I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!" i scream. the kid turns around and toddles back to me. i search my bag to find a small owl plushie and hand it to him. his eyes light up and do that sparkle thing bo's used to do. i smile and start walking but the kid calls back "almost forgot! keep fighting! your so strong agashi!!" he then runs back to his mom and they continue walking down the opposite street. i turn and walk towards my house playing with the volleyball keychain bo gave me when he confessed. such a dork i mentally said and laughed at. i keep walking almost reaching my place when i stop. i look up and put my arms out almost like a T. i breathe in and close my eyes. i feel at peace.