Are we more than just friends?

My best friend and I are spending all the time at school together. I'm not saying you can't be best friends without making it gay, but all my classmates say I'm gay, even though I deny it every time.

It all started when I got asked as a joke why I do these things with Daniel. The things obviously weren't normal for straight boys, we would sit in each other's lap, make dirty jokes together and more. But at that time I didn't think of it as something weird. I was just having fun with my best friend.

At the time I got this question of course I said that I do it cause it's fun, but then I kept hearing people say I'm gay, I'm acting fruity, that I have something going on with Daniel but I was so arrogant that I didn't think about it. After repeatedly being asked if I was gay, I started getting worried. Why would every one think I'm gay? After some months, I got asked again if I was gay, but it wasn't even a question anymore, the boys just assumed that I was gay. I obviously wanted to say something but then I stopped. I decided to think about it at home.

When I got home I couldn't believe what I chose to do. Me? Gay? When I think if someone being gay it creeps me out. I thought of me and Daniel. I started really thinking about a possibility of me being gay. I really tried to think about us from a classmate's perspective. Then it hit me. We were acting SO gay. How did I never notice? No wonder everyone thinks I'm gay.

Now let's get back to where we started. It's hard for me but I'm slowly accommodating to the ideea that I'm gay. I thought about dating a guy, and it doesn't feel so gross anymore. The question now is what are my feelings for Daniel? Are the feelings romantic or platonic? I can't figure it out, but tomorrow I have school and I will be able to think about this when I'm with him.

It's break. I spent all the class thinking about me and Daniel? Do I really like him? And no, I'm refusing to think of kissing him or something. And this makes it even more hard. Just thinking about touching him feels weird now. I'm suddenly awkward to him now. I don't know how I never realized this yet, but just staying next to him feels weird. But I gotta calm down, I don't want to seem suspicious to him. I'm pretty sure by now, school's almost done, and all I found out today is that I HAVE feelings for him.

Now what's next? There's no way he likes me back, he's 100% straight. But at the same time, I thought I was like this before, we were doing fruity stuff together.

I woke up from a weird dream. I was with Daniel, DATING. This shit really got to my head. Why can't I like a girl? Like I already kissed one. But the thing is that I didn't feel anything when I did that. I thought it was normal but now I realize how stupid and arrogant I was. I was acting like a little child that acts like a bitch.

I'm trying to forget everything about feelings, but Daniel stood in my lap and my "natural" response was to hug him, now this is weird as fuck. The bad part or good part for me I don't even know anymore is that he just smiled, just smiled like it was nothing. How can this dude be like this. And I think I got fucking red. RED. I didn't think I would reach this stage, but blushing at my BOY best friend. I just hope he didn't notice. Because then, then he could think I'm gross.

It's annoying. I can't interact with Daniel the same anymore. Anything he does makes me flustered. How can this happen? Am I this unable to control my feelings? I used to always think that the people in the romance movies my mother forced me to watch were just bad actors. That they were over dramatic and weird. But guess what. I'm acting almost worse than them. And me being at home isn't helping either. I'm just trying to practice judo and my mind goes to Daniel. What the fuck. I'm not even talking about my dreams. I haven't dreamed something normal since ages. It's worse that the dreams get more real and getting my hopes up that Daniel likes me back.

I decided from now on that I will enjoy my time with Daniel to the max. He seems like he doesn't care if I'm standing super close to him or hopping on his back. So why not take advantage of this? Maybe If I start to flirt back he could be wondering about his feelings. But I don't need to get my hopes up.

This is just stupid. Our texts are the only thing normal about us. But the way we act together... I'm hoping so much that he is gay too, and not just playing me this leading up to him making fun of me in the end if I confess. Now this has become my biggest fear. Maybe I could hint to him questions about lgbtq or about our crushes, but that's hard, and I'm afraid to mess this up. It's worse when you're trying to hide this from all your friends, all of them.

Daniel has started to act weird. Did he figure out I have feelings for him? Would this be a bad or good thing for me? At this point, all I want is to at least be his friend, but I feel the urge to be with him, and I'm starting to have this weird feeling of wanting to kiss him. I never thought I would experience this. I'm trying to forget about this, but I just can't. My hints for him are so bad. Of course he didn't understand any of them.

I'm stressed. I wanna confess to him, but I'm really scared. I don't wanna do it at school, I know it's stupid, but I wanna confess in a special plase. Not school, we hate school, this would be the worst place for feelings.

So I asked Daniel if we could hang out this weekend. Of course I didn't tell him it was a date, but I said I wanted to be only the 2 of us. When I said that he looked like he didn't mind it, like I didn't even say it.

We are going to some park around my home. I go there pretty often and there are no people except me. I don't know why, but right now all I care about is that it's empty. I'm so fucking stressed, but I gotta act normal untill the weekend so my friends won't think that I'm acting weird.

The days went on pretty normal. But it's becoming harder and harder to act normal. Happily, or sadly, today is Sunday, so I'm meeting with Daniel. I go to our planned spot early so I can calm myself. After a while, Daniel is here. I suddenly go red even though it was just Daniel, with a ball in his hands ready to play some games. I couldn't help but play football with him. It's one of my favourite sports after all.

After we played for a while we took a break. We were both sweating and breathing hard, so we were relaxing a bit. I thought this is the perfect time to talk with him:

- Hey Daniel, I wanna tell you something.
- Ok, go on.
- Oh. Ok. So I've been thinking for a while and I think I'm gay.

His eyes were so big, he was surprised, but I don't think that in a bad way, so I continue:

- I've been thinking a lot about what we do together, and to be honest, I like you, like a lot.

He was speechless. But then a smile comes to his face:

- U just figured it out? Boy how stupid can you be to think that what we were doing was normal?
- Then why did u act homophobic?
- Because you were acting like that. I thought you were just joking so I went on with the joke.
- Ok, so you are gay too?
- Haven't you figured it out yet? Yes I AM gay.
- Then do you like me too?
- How clear do I have to be? Yes, I like you too. I'm gonna miss you getting all red around me.
- Fuck you, you know well that I will be even more flustered now.
- Oh so you don't deny it? You're a bottom.
- So now I can't say anything around you.
- I didn't know you were so emotional, poor you. But I'll stop because I know you can kick me.

Everything feels weird. Me, Daniel's boyfriend? Him being gay? This feels like a dream. But at least now I feel more calm, that I finally know what he feels about me.

I'm with Daniel at school. The teacher isn't coming to the class so we can do anything we want. Daniel suddenly gets close to me. I think he wants to tell me something, but he just backs away and instead grabs my hand? I look at him but he's looking in the opposite direction. I start blushing and I see at the corner of his face that Daniel is blushing too. I grab his hand so now we are holding hands and decide to just ignore him.

We've been getting closer and closer, but we can't really do much cause we mostly meet at school. But even if we are at school, Daniel still wants to hug me or do gay shit. At least I don't have to hide my feelings no more.