Intertwined

Chapter nineteen- I want to learn to trust again, aid me

I also wanted to let you know that there is heavy topics talked about in this chapter, I completely understand if you aren't comfortable with any of these, so if they do make you uncomfortable please feel free not to carry on with this chapter, but hope to see you in the next one- many thanks shmoopy ❤️

Trigger warnings: past emotional manipulation, past emotional abuse, harmful intrusive thoughts

Oikawa's POV:

"I'll go first, if that's okay".

I take a quick sip of my tea while nodding at him to proceed, "be my guest", i put my tea back down on the matching black saucer, I don't take my eyes off of him though, not that I would ever want to.

"Okay, I just, this is going to be a lot, so just if you want me to stop tell me, I mean it", he looks at me with pure seriousness in his eyes, all I can do is nod due to my interest in what he means by 'going to be a lot'.

"Right so umm, I honestly have no idea where to start", this seems oddly familiar to the start of my explanation to atsumu and suga, I have to keep down a smile at the similarities between us to, we were never good at explaining things fully always liked to cut to the chase.

So I chose to go with what suga told me when I didn't know how to start, "where ever you feel comfortable, no pressure", well not his exact words but close enough, he takes a slow breath in and out, his shoulders are stiff and ridged, but as I say 'no pressure' I see he slowly starts to relax in the brown leather sofa.

"Okay well, umm, I guess I should start with I'm sorry, again, I really am, what I did to you. It's unforgivable, I shouldn't have blocked you out of my life I just didn't see any other way", I give him a sceptical look, tilting my head just a tad to show my confusion with his statement.

"What do you mean by that?", I question sitting up in my chair, I cross my leg over the other and place my hands on my knees. After a moment of silence between us both, he finally returns to my knowingly over bearing gaze which is being directed towards him, he sighs heavily while smiling slightly followed by a slight shake of his head.

"Do you think I purposely wanted to push you out of my life? You was my best friend since we was children, you... you was the other half of me. Back then I was too scared to tell you how much you actually meant to me, but I'm not scared anymore", I sharply inhale due to the words escaping iwaizumis mouth, braising myself on my knees at the sudden overflow of anxiety and intrusive thoughts caused by the... confession of some sort.

He doesn't mean it. He might be telling the truth though. Why would he? He left you, just like everyone else did, you mean nothing to him. He didn't sound untruthful, he spoke with his heart... your wrong.

So then...why did he leave you?

I try and push the intrusive thoughts to the back of my mind, however I'm unsuccessful. Instead of trying to calm myself down, I retaliate back to him, saying the things that were actually on the tip of my tongue, instead of the words which had been already rehearsed and recited inside of my head.

"But that doesn't make sense, because one you did in fact cut me off and two you didn't seem as if you had a problem with kicking me out of your life. In fact, you seemed extremely happy with the notion of finally getting rid of me, maybe that's the excuse you was waiting for all them years, a way to leave me without having to deal with the aftermath", although my breaths are coming out uneven and shaky, I can still avoid his ever growing stare by distracting myself with fiddling with my fingers, despite my state at the moment I still carry the right amount of confidence in my voice to get my point across.