picking up the pieces

lol okay the whole thing

November 2017

"So, how are you?"

The question was meant to be simple and an immediate answer to most people. But, for Harry, it was complicated.

Maybe for other people it was just as complicated. He couldn't tell you how many times he heard 'I'm fine' from someone but their red rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks said something else.

He wondered whether or not his sister could tell just like he could with others. Maybe it was obvious, but why ask? In that moment, he never wanted to kick himself more than he did for all the times he had asked someone that when he could clearly see they weren't fine.

It was like a cycle by now though.

I'm managing.

I'm getting there slowly.

And to those he hardly knew, I'm fine.

But this was his sister and, judging by her somber expression, pinched brows and downturned lips that only worsened the longer he took to answer, she knew what the truth was.

He sighed eventually and answered with, "how do you think?"

It may have come out a bit harsher than he had intended for it to, watching her wince at his tone as he spoke.

"Maybe you need to get out of the house," she suggested in the gentlest tone he had ever heard from her. It was as if she were talking to a child and he hated it.

She wasn't even this bad the first time 'round.He, on the other hand, wasn't sure if this was worse than his first divorce. Yeah, first divorce.

He was now known as the guy that had two divorces. Two failed marriages. Two cheating husbands.

What kind of a sick joke was the universe playing on him, honestly?

But, he could blame no one but himself. He pushed them away. He could sense his marriage crumbling but he didn't do anything about it. He shrugged it off. He ignored their issues. They never communicated.

He would have thought he would have learnt from the first time but apparently he hadn't.

So, just like a pull of a wooden block from a Jenga tower, everything suddenly collapsed. It went tumbling down. Twice. Fucking twice.

"It's not your fault," she said firmly, as if she were reading his mind.

He supposed she was. She knew him better than most people. She knew how much he blamed himself for the downfall of both of his marriages.

"What other explanation is there?" He laughed humourlessly, "I'm the common denominator in both failed relationships--- marriages for fucks sake."

He looked down, fiddling with the handle of his coffee cup, willing himself not to cry. He had been too much of that recently. Ever since he signed those papers a week ago, it seemed like he never stopped.

He was sure his body would have run out of liquids from the amount of crying he had been doing but apparently biology didn't work that way so he hadn't run out of tears.

"It takes two to tango, okay? Besides, they're the ones who lied and cheated on you," she said with a bitter tone in her voice, obvious suggesting how much she detested them.

Why couldn't Harry just be angry and bitter towards them? Why did he have to feel all of this sorrow and grief?

Don't get him wrong, when Harry drank, he got angry all right. He just wanted to punch something or even someone sometimes and the thought scared him shitless. He was never a violent person and he sure as hell wasn't going to start being one now, regardless of how pissed off and upset he was.