Pain is Just a Word [Spamano]

He hasn't noticed at all. The boy has been doing this for weeks now, and yet he still hasn't noticed. The cuts on his arms have been getting worse everyday.

The pain was so pleasurable that he couldn't stop. Everyday, a new one would appear. It became a daily routine. And yet, he still hasn't noticed.

Spain set down a plate of food for the child. It was pasta. There were a few slices of tomatoes on the side. A glass of milk was then poured. Spain had a smile on his face. A smile that never seems to disappear.

A fork was handed to Romano before he started eating. Spain sat down across from the child and watched him eat.

He was still smiling. Romano envied how the Spaniard could smile so much. Romano couldn't do it. It proved to be to hard for the child. So he just kept his emotionless frown.

After finishing his food Spain took the plate from him. "I'm gunna go to my room." Romano announced leaving his place on the table as the elder cleaned up.

Upon entering the room, he walked into the bathroom and started to strip off his clothes. He filled the bathtub with water. Before stepping into the warm water he took a cutter from his drawer. He got in and carefully cut the sensitive skin.

A small sting ran through his body as the blade cut his skin. The blood immediately started to drip down into the bath. This made the water a light shade of red. It felt good. But it wasn't enough. He wanted more. He then started to dig the blade deeper into his skin. A small smile played on his lips as more blood dripped down from his wrist.

He laid his head down to savor the pleasurable pain.

It was so good. The pain was so distracting that Romano didn't even notice the door opened. "R-Romano!" came the shocked voice of his guardian. Romano's head started to sink in the water. He was loosing consciousness. "Romano!!!" he heard before passing out.

The next morning Romano woke up on his bed. His wrist was bandaged and he was wearing a new change of clothes. He looked over to the side to see the Spaniard asleep beside him. A hardly noticeable blush then played across his cheeks, but face stayed emotionless

Unconsciously he snuggled closer to the man accidentally waking him. "R-Romano...? Romano! A-are you alright?!?!" the Spaniard was obviously worried.

"I'm fine... I've been doing this for a while now..." he obviously knew that. This wasn't the first time that happened. But he wasn't usually caught either.

"I saw the cuts..." he said with a stern but concerned look. "Why would you do that Romano?" Spain questioned.

Romano couldn't reply at first. Honestly, he didn't know. It just, happened. "I don't know..." he replied simply. Spain was saddened by this.

"Is it me? Did I do something wrong? I can change!" Spain insisted.

'it's not you...'

It all started when Belgium had come over. Romano was quiet as usually, so it didn't bother the two. But inside, a burning pain was filling his body. No one knew that. He always kept thngs like that locked away in his heart. He always though that if he showed this side of him, Spain wouldn't like him anymore.

But Belgium never had to worry about that. Spain was always so much happier when she was there.

'Maybe I was jealous.' Romano thought as the other kept ranting on about changing the way he was. "I'll change for you. I'll even kill myself if that's what you want!"

'I've had enough!' the boy thought as he slapped his caretaker on the face.

"I don't want you to change." Romano said quietly. So quiet, Romano himself couldn't hear what he had said.

"What was that?" Spain asked making Romano repeat a little louder.

"I don't want you to change...." Romano pulled his gazed down unto his lap, his bangs hiding part of his face.

"Roma...." Spain said pulling the boy into his arms. "Then, please, don't do that again." Spain reminded. He completely forgot to ask why Romano had done it from overflowing joy of knowing it wasn't his fault.

The next day. Spain walked into the boys room to see an empty bed. 'No Romano?' he thought. Just an envelop. Curiously, Spain picked it up and began to read.

Dear Spain,

I have become quite the burden. I don't want you to keep taking care of me like this. I don't want to torture you by my masochistic behavior. So I decided to leave.

Don't look for me. I'll be far gone by this time. I don't know where I'm headed, but anywhere is better than making you endure my ways.

Please forgive my selfish act. I know I don't show a lot of emotion. But I want you to know, that I always loved you.

~Romano

Spain dropped to his knees at his loss. He cried into his hands wishing the boy would come back. 'Romano...' he thought. He looked over to the side and saw the cutter he had pulled out of the boy's had last night.

With shaking hands, he grabbed it. What was the use of living if he was alone? He held the cutter, angling for his chest. His heart. Another tear slid down his face before he stabbed himself. The pool of tears he had created, was now replaced by a pool of blood.

He fell to the floor, his last thoughts on his child. And just before everything turned black, he saw his little Roma standing before him.

Had it been a dream, or was it real. No one will ever understand this unsure answer. But one thing is for sure.

Pain.

It's just a word.