I wish you loved me instead (Nagito Komeada x Reader)

Chapter 1: An Island

You sigh, looking down at your feet as you stand outside the big gates of the school. There is a lump in your throat, and no matter how much you try to clear it there is no way it goes down. You feel frozen in fear. That is, until a hand on your shoulder shoves you forward lightly, just enough for you to take one step over into the school grounds. You look up, eyes landing on his green ones instantly. He sees your eyes, knowing they are full of anxiety, and his own eyes softening with pity. He grabs your wrist and makes you walk with him. The further you get from the gate and the closer you get to the school buildings your heart just sinks deeper and deeper.

"There is no reason to be so worried. I am sure everything will turn out great today. And if something goes wrong you know where to find me." Hajime tells you, helping your anxiety quiet down a bit. You feel guilty for having him always taking care of you, having to set his own happiness aside for your sake. Even if he does not see it this way, you know that during middle school you probably tankered his social status considerably, needing him when he could have been with anybody else. Truely, Hajime was not just your best friend, but your angel as well. Selfishly putting himself aside for you. Sometimes you worried about his thought process of why he did this, but you were too dependent. You needed him no matter the reason.

He lets go of your hand when you reach a fountain in the middle of the courtyard, one road leading to his new school building and the other leading to your new school building. There was something inside you that wished you could have been more normal, more like him. So you could follow him everywhere. But there was also a part that knew you needed to let him go, for himself. In the end, if you had been allowed to go to the same class as Hajime, he would never make friends. You would swallow him up with your dependency. And so you parted, him waving at you as he left and you standing anxiously waiting for him to disappear from your sights before moving. As soon as he did, you rushed into the hall of your building, making sure no one saw you as you entered the bathroom and locked it.

Eyes stared back at you, judging you as you looked at your pitiful self in the mirror. You knew you were going to do it anyway, so you fighting yourself was pointless. The first thing you did was push your hair out of your face, making it stay in place with a can of hairspray you had brought 'just in case'. You changed your uniform into a more casual dress shirt, to not be so easily recognized and you stuffed your glasses into your backpack switching them out for contacts. For the finishing touch, you unbuttoned the top buttons of your uniform and ruffled it a bit to get your style just right. "Here I go." You tried, sounding as confident as you could as you exited the bathroom, swinging your backpack haphazardly over your shoulder and carrying it like that. The other hand was shoved in your front pocket and you walked with the swagger of a million frat boys. And the longer you walked the less and less it became exaggerated and more natural. It became a part of you that you no longer forced.

Just as you entered, you banged your head into someone. You didn't notice them because of a slight dizziness that had enveloped you. Turning your head, you looked up at a familiar mop of hair. It was Hajime? What was he doing here?

But, this is not what happened? This didn't happen the first time?

What do you mean the first time?

You shake your head. Hajime turned to look at you, but before he could do anything you went around him apologizing quitely as you went. You could tell he didn't recognize you at all, which was at least good. You went to the back of the class, trying to blend in. But now that you are in your persona it is hard to go back. The girl you decided to talk to in the class obviously knew your talent, it was written all over her face. She must have done research. Unlike most girls though, underneath the blush there was a frown. You decided a nice introduction was enough, since you didn't want to push your luck. Her expression soured even more if possible.