THE SILENT LIFE.

SOMETHING FISHY.....

" I ATTEMPTED SUCIDE IN MY LIFE AND LITERALLY I WISHED TO DIE ANYHOW".........

DATE: 6 November 2021              TIME: 10:59 PM {AT NIGHT}

Dear 'ME', 

                  It's a very special day, see how much distance and a whole journey you covered out. Everyone says right everyone has a chapter of their own life.....OH SORRY not chapter rather i would chapters of life. Today i was going through my old albums and my childhood photos and seriously i was into the past almost one hour till my mom called and said," HAVE YOU ATE SOMETHING ?" Literally going through the photos i recalled all my past again, that beautiful memories, playing till evening 6, making an excuse not to attend classes, getting up from the studies and going into the kitchen to check what is being made, my first achievement, my first trophy, my first exam in which i got full marks and many more like this......But even i remembered all those incidents which gave me pain but the enduring power for the upcoming future.

This story is of mine and of class 10th only. I thought to keep it within myself only but as the things are going all right now, so right here i can open my heart. The time was nearly 9 pm at night and i was there alone, usually when i am alone i do complete my studies and do painting or eat on a verge of hunger but that day nothing like that happen......i had no movement rather i was completely silent as if a lifeless body was sitting upon the bed. I was thinking about something rather i was thinking about the morning incident that happened with me. 

IT WAS MORNING TIME AND MORE THAN THAT IT WAS A WEEKEND DAY AND USUALLY ON WEEKENDS IN MORNING TIME I READ EXTRA NOVELS, STORIES, OTHER BIOGRAPHIES TO STRENGHTEN MY IN DEPTH KNOWLEDGE IN ENGLISH AS I WAS CLEAR THAT I WANT TO PERSUE LECTURESHIP IN FUTURE AS PROFESSION. SUDDENLY THE DOOR BELL RINGED THERE STANDING WAS MY FRIEND, I WOULDN'T LIKE TO TAKE HIS NAME. I WARMLY WELCOMED HIM INSIDE AS HE CAME AFTER SO MANY DAYS. AND THERE OUR DISCUSSION STARTS OVER ACADEMICS AND PREPARATION ON EXAMS. AFTER DISCUSSION HE WENT TOWARDS HIS HOME BUT IMMEDIATELY COMES ANOTHER GUEST ONE OF OUR RELATIVE OR I CAN SAY ONE OF MY AUNT. SHE CAME INSIDE SAW ME AND ASKED ME TO COME NEAR HER. SHE ASKED VARIOUS QUESTIONS AND THAT TOO ONLY ABOUT MY MARKS. I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE ASKED ABOUT TUTIONS AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT SHE DOES TUTION. AND MY MOM AS USUAL SEND ME TO HER FOR 5 DAYS ON TRIAL BASIS. IT WAS MY 5TH DAY AND I THINK THE WORST DAY I WOULD LIKE TO FORGET. ON THAT FOR THE FIRST REACHED LATE TO TUTION. AFTER REACHING THERE I ENCOUNTERED VARIOUS QUESTIONS LIKE WHY I WAS LATE. ACTUALLY BEFORE THAT TUTION I USED TO TRAIN O SOME OFTHE KIDS AND SOME SAME AGE COLLEAGUE FOR PATTACHITRA PAINTING THAT TOO ON WEEKENDS  AND I INFROMED THIS TRUTHFUL REASON TO THE AUNT TOO. SUDDENLY IN A FIT OF RAGE SHE QUESTIONED MY TALENT AND SAW MY PASSION IN A DOWNFULL EYES SHE EVEN TOLD THAT I WAS WASTING MY PARENTS TIME AND MONEY, I WAS FIT FOR NOTHING AND SHE CONSIDERED ME AS A BIG ZERO IN MY PARENTS  LIFE WHICH WILL ONCE TURM INTO A BIG CURSE . LISTENING TO HER TALKS I RETURNED ON MY WAY DIRECTLY TO HOME AND WITHOUT TELLING ANYTHING I WENT INTO MY ROOM. NO ONE WAS THERE BOTH MY PARENTS WERE ON DUTY, IT WAS NEARLY 9 PM. ON THAT DAY FOR THE FIRST TIME I DOUBTED MYSELF, MY PASSION , MY TALENT , EVEN MY EXISTENCE. THIS RESULTED INTO 1 MONTH DEPRESSION WHERE I AVOIDED MY FRIENDS, MY SCHOOL MATES, MY FAMILY MEMBERS EVEN MY OWN PARENTS OR I MOSTLY TRIED TO ONE LINE ANSWER. NOT ONLY THAT I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, MOST OF THE TIME I USED TO RANDOM MEDICINE PILLS, WHILE CUTTING ANYTHING I USED HARM MYSELF, I DID EVERY POSSIBLE TRY TO DIE, LITERALLY I PRAYED FOR DEATH FOR THAT 1 AND HALF MONTHS BEFORE I TURN INTO A CURSE IN MY PARENTS LIFE................

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. TO BE CONTINUED IN LAST PART.......