✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

10. Settling In

Tess woke up three or four times in the night. It felt like everything had changed around her, even if the school – which was supposed to be the centre of her life – was still just the same. She'd got on okay, but spent almost the whole day worrying that she was going to get the wrong bus going home, or that her keys wouldn't work, or she wouldn't find her way back from the bus stop. When she finally managed to get to the edge of Palmerston she had been so relieved; only to hear a car horn behind her five minutes after getting off the bus. Gabby, of course, in a car so boring that it could have been government issue. Tess had waved her off, determined to get home on her own. But the car had kept on drifting along beside her, before finally turning off in a different direction. A subtle hint, without being way too obvious about it, that she'd been walking the wrong way.

Tess had enjoyed dinner, and she hadn't had any problems sitting and talking to her cousin after her homework was all dealt with. She'd kind of waved aside the question of if she had a boyfriend or not. She didn't quite know what to say to that, and didn't have the confidence to decide if it was true, so she was glad to get away without answering. But she kind of wished that she had been able to say "yes". It was a relaxing evening, without any wine this time. And she thought that after the first full day, she was finally starting to become comfortable staying here.

She told herself that she didn't mind too much about the pinkness of her room, or the frilly sheets. This duvet cover was, at least, slightly less lacy than the one she'd washed earlier. It didn't feel like it was an ornate dress pretending to be a piece of furniture; although it did have a picture of a princess singing to her animal friends in the centre. Still, Tess told herself that it was entirely normal. That even if the things around her weren't what she was used to, she didn't need to worry about it at all. She was settled in. Gabby trusted her, and would allow her to be an adult. And there was no way that the morning's humiliation would ever happen again.

So why, when she finally got into bed, did she find herself checking to make sure the sheets were dry? Why did she get up twice, just before drifting off to sleep, to nip across the hall to the bathroom? Just in case, she thought. In case? That was never going to happen again, so why was she even thinking about it? And why did she wake up every couple of hours through the night; and why did she start, each time, by reaching down to check that she wasn't lying in a puddle before she even glanced at the clock on the desk?

She pulled herself slowly out of bed, and opened the door. She was half expecting to see Gabby waiting outside again; even though it was after midnight and her cousin was almost certainly asleep. There was nobody there; just a faint orange glow from a light that apparently had some fancy dimmer on it. She crossed the landing without making a sound, and went to the bathroom again. Not that she even needed to go, but she absolutely didn't want to have another accident.

"I don't need to worry," she told herself. "It was a one off. A fluke, or something. I drank too much, I wasn't paying attention. It'll never happen again." She knew that there was no reason to be extra careful; she was practically an adult now, and she'd known for years that her bed wetting days were long behind her. And yet, no matter how many times she told herself that, it didn't seem to make a difference. She knew it would never happen again, but somehow she was still nervous.

* * *

Tess woke up, stared blearily at the clock, and wondered why the radio had started playing so early. She was still tired, and the light outside was still grey. She reached over for the switch, and at about the same time was startled by music blaring from her phone. She couldn't reach that to turn it off without dragging herself out of bed, so she threw back the hated princess-themed covers and made the trek across the room. After the second alarm had been silenced, she went back to turn off the old clock radio, and realised that it really was time to be waking up. She'd set the alarm twenty minutes earlier this time, so that she wouldn't have to ask her cousin to drive her to school again.

It was only a little earlier, and Tess knew she shouldn't have been so tired. But maybe she hadn't slept well; and as soon as she considered the possibility, she found herself looking back towards her bed, looking for a big damp patch. Of course, there wasn't one. She was practically an adult, and that was never going to happen again. But she still felt like she needed to keep on checking, somehow scared that the long-exorcised spectre of youth was going to creep up and surprise her when she least expected it.

She rushed through washing and dressing, and checked herself out in the mirror. She looked good enough today. She took a selfie to share on Clatter; her first real day back after moving house. She would have expected to take the picture in her new room, but that would have to wait until Gabby could get in touch with her painter friend.

She looked at herself again in the mirror after getting changed, daring her reflection to look any different. Nothing had changed, she knew that. And somehow, that made her feel a little off-balance, like things weren't quite going the way they were supposed to. In the past, every time she'd woken up in a new room had been accompanied by a new school, and a new uniform. New pictures to show how different she looked now, in case any of her friends cared enough to comment. This time she was still at the same place, and still had the same friends. They might have cared how she looked, but she had nothing to show them. A white shirt, a dark green blazer that virtually all the students would avoid wearing unless they had no choice, and a knee-length pleated skirt in a colour that the school called charcoal grey but the clothing stores insisted was slate grey.

She shrugged, and headed downstairs again. Gabby was cooking breakfast already, of course she was. That was something else Tess would be able to rely on as she got used to living here. But right, she was just glad to have a home where she could be treated like an adult at last; regardless of her childlike appearance, or the numbers in her height.

She would prove she was an adult today; and getting to the bus stop in time without help was only the first step on that path.