Lend Me Your Heart

Fifteen

The next few weeks were kind of uneventful, but I liked it that way. I liked uneventful because Zach and I got to say “I love you” to each other at the most perfect times now and we kissed a lot and we joked around and had fun and we had each other’s back like any two best friends would.

On New Years Eve, Zach made a resolution to keep his positive attitude and new outlook on what his life could be like. I made a resolution to always take care of the people I love. I knew it was a cheesy resolution, but there was honestly nothing else I wanted to do or change about my present life. Everything was perfect. I just wanted to make a promise to myself that I’d always take care of my loved ones.

Zach and I had it all figured out.

Or, at least…that’s what it seemed like until his birthday came around. It was also the day his mother and Aiden, his best friend, died. Something bad always happened on his birthday, January 27th, whether his father invested in the wrong company or he got in a car crash with his best friend since they were both drunk because it was Zach’s Annual Depression Day. I didn’t find all of this out until Joey told me at lunch on Friday. Well, of course I knew about his mom and his best friend dying on the day he was born, but I didn’t know it was on January 27th.

“How are you?” Joey asked with a sympathetic face as I set down a plate of caesar salad.

“I’m fine…” I said hesitantly. “Why?”

His eyes widened. “It’s Zach’s birthday,” he said, nearly making me choke on my own saliva. “You didn’t know?”

I shook my head.

“Well, he probably didn’t tell you for a reason. He’s going to be in an extremely bad mood today.”

“Extremely?” I asked nervously, my eyes scanning the dining hall in search of him.

“Suicidal,” Joey said, making me gasp.

I gnawed on my bottom lip, my eyes still searching all over for him. My heart was beating a million miles per second, hoping he was okay and not angry with me or anyone else for some reason we wouldn’t know.

“Don’t worry,” said Sarah. “If you pretend like you don’t know it’s his birthday, he won’t take it out on you.”

“Are you sure?” I asked softly, biting my pinky nail.

“I’m positive. Just pretend like everything’s fine,” she told me.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to remain calm. I knew today was going to be extremely difficult for Zach, so I wanted to make everything seem as normal as possible. Normal was always good; normal was effortless for Zach and I. I just hoped it’d be easy to act “normal” today.

“There he is,” Matt said, pointing a finger to the door, where Zach walked in, taking off his jacket that was covered in snowflakes and holding it in his arm. He had dark circles under his eyes and his head hung a little lower than it normally would.

The cafeteria got quieter when he walked in. I wanted everyone to keep talking; make today seem like any other day for him, but that was impossible considering everyone at this school was grieving over Aiden’s death that happened just one year ago today. I wanted to run up to him and hug him and tell him I love him so much, but since I wouldn’t do that on a regular day, I had to restrain myself.

He got in line, head down with his hands in his pockets, and went through the buffet, throwing slobs of whatever was out onto his plate. People whispered and wouldn’t stop starring at my poor Zach. I wanted to get up and slap every one of them across the face and tell them to mind their own business, but I had to restrain myself from doing that, too. Finally, after getting a cup of water he started towards our table. I felt like a freak for starring at him for such a long time, so I turned my head back towards my plate and stuffed my face with lettuce.