I Miss You Like An Addict | On Hold

Chapter 3

Dear You,

It has been two years since you left, I haven't heard a word from you before or after left. I don't understand why you did what you did but I know there has to be a reason for it.

There has to be.

I mean, just getting up and leaving? No goodbyes, nothing.

We were good weren't we? We had fun together, we did things together- always. If you were upset with me for like one hour I'd be depressed. My heart would then feel painful, I guess there you could say you were bad for me.

I should've known you were pulling away from me after all. Sometimes it's like you didn't even care about me, you just changed for a minute then you acted like nothing happened.

You were clingy at one moment and then you weren't. Did you lose interest? I guess so. Maybe I was annoying you and you needed space.

I should hate you but I can't, I just can't and I don't know what is wrong with me. Do I love you that much? Did I become too dependent on you for comfort?

I've never imagined myself without you but I guess now you could say I do, two fucking years right. It hurts, it hurts really bad. Were you upset with me? Did I do something wrong?

I wish you could just tell me, something, anything, because I just need to know. I have to know something atleast so I can finally be at ease.

Could you imagine after all that, I still miss you.

I mean I feel broken, you were my person, my soul mate and I fucking miss you. All of you.

Are you gonna come back? I need you to. My heart wont feel so painful all the time if you come back. Sometimes it's so unbearable it's like I become a different person all together.

Some days you were the only person I talk to so maybe I was addicted to your company. I needed it to emotionally and physically survive. Without it I'd cease to exist.

But I guess I was a bit too dramatic right, I'm still here aren't I, still breathing even if sometimes I don't want to be.

I always felt like I deserved being lonely, that I did something wrong in my pass life or I was paying for the sins of a parent or of my relative. And that's why my sister died and left me alone in this world.

But then that changed, my feelings changed- you showed up and messed with everything. I needed you to survive emotionally and mentally.

It's surprising that I haven't lost my shit yet, I mean I always told you I wouldn't know what I'd do without you but I guess now I know.

You always say we deserve each other, that we have a lot more in common than I could even imagine, maybe you were right.

You were right.

Well enough of this I'm tired of writing about my problems, who wants to see them anyways.

Nic

Ps: From this day on, I promise I'll get better and on the bright side I have therapy tomorrow.