I Miss You Like An Addict | On Hold

Chapter 4

Dear You,

Therapy was amazing, I enjoyed every second of it, it was like my problems just vanished into the air. However, I won't be here long to share all of what happened today, I have something very important to do.

I am going on a run this evening, can't tell you when I have gotten any real exercise.

I learned a valuable lesson today and this time I am going to try appling it to my life because I really need it. I need it to change my perspective, to be that girl I once was. I won't lie, I miss her.

I miss her a bit too much and I feel like she won't come back. I am scared that this is the shell of a person I've become.

I don't want to be. I want to go back to the good old days where I actually care about what clothes I'd wear today, if I can actually fix my hair good this time around or if I am making the right decisions for my future.

There comes a time when every teenager goes through a depressing moment in life that lasts for minutes, days, months or years but the thing is they get over it whether how long it takes.

Sometimes they have to do it alone or they have a special person they gets them through it and their presence alone can fix everything.

My therapist reminded me that I'm not alone not now not ever. I appreciate it because that hour made me feel like I was a normal teenage girl that suffered from depression.

Because of therapy I feel like I could finally let you go. That I'd get over all the problems in my life. I'd start fresh you know, move out of my parents house and get an apartment of my own Because this place won't help me one bit.

After getting a place to live then I'd probably join one of those get together groups where people are always talking about their feelings.

Then after I feel like all that depression has been lifted I'll then figure out what my purpose in life is. Don't get me wrong, I always loved to draw but I seem to take up that pencil anymore.

I can't formulate the imagination I have in my head to create an art piece. I can't even look at a photo or a real life image to actually draw it because then I'd end up drawing something else.

So yeah I'll find something else, something that matches me and something I can stick with.

I'm not sure if I'd go to college, maybe a community College, two years maybe four. It depends on whether I find something I actually like. And to simply put, I'd then get a job.

So there you have it my life plan. All planned out, what could possibly go wrong.

I actually feel like this would work out, who I'm I kidding I need it to. I can see myself getting better, back to the person I once was. Better yet, a much greater version of my former self.

Nic

Ps: As of today I will conquer my depression and get over the fact that you left and I won't see you again. If I wish to continue writing letters then they'll be about my progress and not this pathetic shit.