Now I See You | ✓

Thirteen

The following morning, I wake up with a sore head and big regrets. It took me no time at all to completely pass out last night when we returned from the football house, because despite my fairly sobering conversation with Aubin, I had a lot of alcohol in my system.

Speaking of the devil, I notice multiple messages from him when I pick my phone up from the nightstand to check the time.

Aubin: Sorry if I upset you. Get home safe x

That one comes pretty soon after I left the party, but the next couple make it obvious that as soon as I departed, he started to drink a bit more.

Aubin: Dont want yu mad at me sweethert :( Jus wana help

Aubin: Miss u

Aubin: Judahh please

Aubin: Come back to me

My heart clenches traitorously in my chest. While my memories of last night aren't the clearest, I can still see his upset expression when I was turning him down swimming in front of my face.

I don't know how to fix this, don't know if I want to.

How am I supposed to trust anyone now? Can't I just be left alone to lick my wounds, to deal with what is happening? I'm hurt, humiliated and furious, and a little part of me wants to just deal with it all on my own. It's not like anyone else gets where I'm at, anyway.

Unfortunately, Aubin just doesn't seem to want to leave me alone. I'm still lying in bed, typing out a reply to a message from Zeb asking how I am, when my phone vibrates again. Once I've finished replying to my brother, I glance at it and inhale sharply.

Aubin: Haha fuck sake. Sorry about that. Can we please talk this week?

Honestly, part of me expected him to not address that, but here he is, again. Despite how uncomfortable I got about the idea of going home with him last night, he was only completely kind and understanding to me, so the least I can do is actually reply.

Judah: It's okay. Things are pretty crazy Aubin, and I'm just not sure that's best, sorry

There's a large part of me that does want to see him, but I know that he still wants me. He still wants to go home with me and even if he says he doesn't mind not having sex, doesn't that make it all the more complicated?

We're supposed to only be friends with benefits. I'm already so confused, already so upset, wouldn't blurring the lines between us only make things more complicated?

Aubin: Judah, c'mon. It won't be long if you don't want. Just want to chat. No funny business

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I ponder the idea in my mind. I don't want to meet, don't want to talk about what's happening. But it's not fair to avoid him forever. It's only right that if I'm really calling this off, we should meet up to do it. I can't just text him, not after all these months.

Judah: Yeah okay, guess we should chat about stuff anyway. When works for you?

My heart rate increases at the thought of seeing him again, at the thought of potentially putting an end to this after a couple of months of what felt like bliss.

Aubin: Is today a bit much? Just because I don't have practice or class, so I'm a bit more flexible. Can meet when/wherever you're most comfortable

I soften a little, like I always seem to around him, despite my best efforts to throw up barriers between us. He's trying to go about this in a way that's best for me and I'll be damned, my pulse spikes, even though I don't want it to.