Emancipation

Chapter 2

We walk to the nearest bistro. Since university coffee wasn't so good he said. It was my first day so I didn't have much idea about things around here at least not yet. Since the weather was nice we decided to sit outside.

He asks "espresso or cappuccino ?"

I reply " espresso."

To which he grins like an idiot and says " damn we're gonna be excellent friends."

He goes to order our drinks and I start to wonder if it's gonna be like this, people trying to communicate with me. While I pretend like they don't exist because I cannot trust anyone anymore. Even though Ryan is cheesy it wouldn't hurt to be his friend he seems like a pretty decent guy, right?

So lost in my thought that I didn't realize Ryan came and sat in front of me until he cleared his throat.

I looked up n said, " thank you, I can pay you for the coffee."He smiles and replies

" No problem it's on me and you can maybe buy me a coffee next time."

then winks,

I came to the conclusion he smiles a lot. It's pretty normal for people to smile, to be polite maybe but I wonder why is it so hard for me to smile. Why does it feel like I don't have the energy to smile not to be rude but I just don't like smiling or cheering up? I have turned so emotionally unavailable over the year as a kid I used to smile a lot even if someone told me something mean to me I would smile.lt always felt like it didn't matter what others thought my happiness came from me. And now it's gone there is no sign of happiness in my life it hasn't been there for the past couple of years and -

Ryan interrupts my thoughts to say" so are you gonna think all to yourself or share something about yourself with me too?"

I reply " what's there to know? I am just one of those boring people. You say about yourself, huh?"

This puts him into a little thinking and after taking a sip of his coffee he replies " I am Ryan-" interrupting him I say" you already said that, other than that."

He chuckles and says " patience baby patience, I was gonna go there. I use to live in turkey and I shifted here two years ago to California for studies.

Not wanting to be rude when he raises his eyebrow for me to say,

I reply " I shifted to California six months ago. So, it is your first year? I ask

He laughs a bit before replies " no third year I joined after one year because I wasn't ready so I took a break. So where did you come from ?" He asks since I didn't mention

His eyes study me for a bit and

say " it's okay if you don't want to." I smile and say " yeah! It's time for your class let's head back to the campus."

He nods and we head out. Since I had 10 more minutes I decide to take a walk around the campus to be familiar with my classes and not be late for them. There were few students here and there some out of them heading to canteen some in their classes waiting for the professor. The hall was pretty much empty and quiet.

I was just about to get lost in my thoughts as usual when someone bumped into me and my headphones fell out of my hand which I was trying to untangle. I look up to see it's a guy, an attractive one. The way his body is ripped seems like he works out a lot. He doesn't apologize he just picks them, puts them in my hand,  and Walks away like. He is too rude for that handsome face. Hey! Don't get me wrong I might not mingle with people like normal kids my age do.

I do check out the hot pieces of meat. It doesn't hurt, right? While thinking about whoever it was I forgot I had a class when I saw there were only two minutes left and hurry not knowing which way my literature class was I check all the room numbers to realize that I was standing in front of it only a while ago. Smacking my head I walk back to.

See this is why you should not be so lost in a boy's thought that you forget your surrounding itself and maybe sometimes yourself. Walking into the class I remember about all those promises that asshole made but failed to fulfill them and I was so much blind in his love not realizing that it's not enough to make promises but one has to fulfill them too at a certain point. I mean what's so hard to show about how much you love one? Partly it was my mistake too that I was looking for love and comfort from the wrong to escape my family shits. But I wasn't cheating or playing with him. At least I was loyal.

Whereas he on the other hand didn't even bother breaking up with his previous girlfriend when he came into a relationship with me. After one month of relationship, his so-called girlfriend finally got the guts and asked me to confront him about her. And when I did he pointed out he gave me all his time, which he did but I was wrong to lead her on when he wasn't even interested in her. I mean you can already guess he is one of those assholes who goes behind pretty face. So when he saw me he made it his mission to not give up until I said yes. But doesn't get me wrong he had to earn it wasn't easy because I had trust issues and he did but for what? To hurt her because she cheated on him with her own bestie. But he didn't break up right there and then. Like the kind of Pussy he was he forgive her and they went back to their usual loving girlfriend/boyfriend. Until his eyes fell on me, he decided all of a sudden he needs to take revenge and make her suffer like him. (Guys, meaning get high like shit because both of them were addicts ). The professor comes in and greets. She was way too excited for a Monday morning though. Anyways she starts her class I start marking like I always do to not miss important points. Thankfully no one sits next to me so I am a little less nervous but I get these weird glances from other students which are going to be a thing from now on I realize. I don't mind though as long as no one bothers me it's fine by me.

After the class, I head home not having any more classes and not having to teach lily. I only teach her three days: Wednesday, Friday, Saturday. And the fees her parents pay are enough for my bills and food. So I don't have to do anything else. It's a bit easier than I thought it would be to make a living. This makes me wonder if someone is playing around with me and saying all these are just a prank. Yeah yeah, I am not used to things going the right way and that fear won't go near anywhere anytime soon that everything is going to fall apart and maybe I will be stuck in endless misery.

I stopped all those negative thinking and step in wondering what to make for lunch tho it's just 12 in the afternoon not too late. It wasn't a bad day for the first day though. I hope everything goes peacefully until I am done with university. Unemployment really scares me though I highly doubt even after graduating it's hard for one to get a job that easily. Nowadays nothing is easy nor is there any shortcut. You always have to earn it.

Leaving those thoughts again. I decide on a sandwich for lunch and go change. Then I head to the kitchen. It's not too bad living here. I live in a studio flat since it's just me and no one else. While slicing the bread I get that urge to slice my skin off like to see what it feels like beneath there to burn. I know those thoughts are rational and no sane person would think like that.

I put the cheese on the bread and press it down to the machine then switch the machine and wait.

Seeing who I am, what I am made me cringe every single time. The way I hurt myself physically for all the verbal abuse they did to me. And it was pretty normal for them but not spoiling their society image. They normalized self-harm because in their society and culture it was everything was fine. Until and unless people point fingers and apparently if you're a good girl u wouldn't wear revealing clothes and your scars won't be seen so nobody judging you chill.

The beep gets me out of my thoughts. I take my sandwich to go to the sofa. Looking for something catchy is hard and I know I will get lost in my thoughts either ways to I flip the remote away and start eating. S it's been just six months since I moved in and I am not pretty familiar with the area because it took me time to settle down and then find something to afford my living. Not being I am not so social so I didn't get out until I felt like I am suffocating.

After washing the plate, I change and set up for some fresh air.