Touch & Go | Herophine

Stalker Sam

Josephine

"Like I told you before, Sam: I'm not available that night." I tell my boss for what seems like the fourteenth time.

"What do you mean you're not available? You're coming, aren't you?" He asks.

This mixer is going to be the death of me, or more likely the death of Sam Larson if he doesn't leave me alone. I wish he would learn to take no for an answer.

"Of course I'm coming." I smile, trying to figure out what to say.

"No problem then. We'll make a date of it." He laughs, adjusting his stapler on his desk. Wow he really doesn't let up, does he? I better just let him down gently.

"Sam, while I appreciate the offer-"

"So when should I pick you up?"

"Well, that's the thing. I'm already going with someone else." Sam looks taken aback, so I decide to go in for the kill. "I have a date already."

"Oh right. I guess I'll see you then." Gross. Why is the only thing that'll get Stalker Sam off my back is another man's claim? Except this other man is imaginary. I better come up with this "date" for the mixer- pronto.

Walking down to the elevator, I fire off a message to my best friend Hero. "Hey, need your help. It's serious. I'm desperate."

His reply is instant, "What's up?"

I've got this. "I need you Friday night."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Hero has been my best friend since we were both seven. He'll have my back. My phone buzzes again, it's Hero once more.

"Can't do Friday sorry babe, hot date might get lucky ;)"

Fuck. I was counting on Hero to back me up at this law mixer. Dammit Hero. Can you just go one night without hooking up with someone.

I could call Titan.

Titan is Hero's sketchy cousin, a horny perv who's been trying to get into my panties since ninth grade. Ugh I guess it's worth a shot.

I pull out my phone and search Titan's number. I really don't want too but desperate times. To my lack of surprise, Titan answers on the first ring.

"Josephine, babe! What can I do for you?" This time, my groan is internal.

"Hey, Titan. Listen, I have this mixer at the office. ."

He cuts me off, "Yeah? Tell me more."

I can't believe I'm doing this. "Yeah, there's this guy at work. . ."

I get up and pace, making my way from my office to the park, back to my apartment building. "Anyway, I need someone to come with me, to be my date. My fake date." I inform him.

"What are we talking about? Dinner? Drinks? Going home together?" He trails off just as I leap in and interrupt him.

"Fake date. Titan. We will pretend to be dating only until Stalker Sam gets the hint."

He chuckles through the phone, "You think that, until you get a taste of some Titan pot pie."

Ugh. Why? Why have my friends let it come to this? "Titan . . ."

"Don't worry, Josephine. I know exactly what you need." I hear some jingling that sounds suspiciously like a belt being undone. Oh God, is he actually taking his pants off on the phone with me?

"Titan, are you . . . what the hell are you doing?" I question and he's silent for a moment.

"Oh, uh, just taking care of something." His voice sounds breathless and he sighs and stays silent.