Lend Me Your Heart

Sixteen

Zach’s POV

“Fuck,” I muttered as I walked away from Layne, who was still kneeling on the ground in the freezing rain. What the fuck did I just do? I bit my lip, my brow creasing in worry. My stomach started to churn unpleasantly, to point where I thought I might throw up the three bottles of booze I drank before Layne and Joey showed up.

I felt like one of those old cartoon characters with an angel on one shoulder, telling me to do the right thing, and a devil on the other, telling me to do what made sense. Staying with Layne made sense; that was the evil part. But, sometimes reality doesn’t make sense, and I think both Layne and I needed to realize that. Erica saved me from doing something stupid, though. She told me Layne would be better off without me, and she was right. I was so grateful Erica showed up tonight, because if she hadn’t, I would’ve stayed with Layne and I would’ve put her in more danger. And God… I loved her.

When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt them; I’ve hurt Layne continuously, like it’s my fucking job. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew I was ruining her life and I knew that the longer I stayed in it, the worse things were going to get for her. Bad luck revolved around me. Though, seeing her on the ground crying like that broke me; it twisted my stomach in anxious knots, wondering whether I did the right thing or not. It made me so nervous.

I knew, however, that she’d get over me soon. There are loads of nice guys at school who’ve been dying to take her out, nice guys with pleasant families and great futures ahead of them. Layne would be so much better off with a guy like that. It was nice of me to leave her in retrospect, right? I was doing her a favor by breaking up with her first; I saved her. It was the absolute least I could do after everything I’ve done to hurt her. If only I could’ve left Aiden. If only I was never born. If only, if only, if only.

Tonight was the first night in a while where I felt like I’d finally made the right choice. God knows I didn’t make the right choice one year ago today. Aiden probably would’ve killed me by now for leaving Layne. He’d probably say something along the lines of, “You cunt.” He grew up in a big, Irish family; it was their thing to swear like that.

The very thought of him and his family brought tears to my eyes, which wasn’t a good thing considering I’d just re-entered the party and already had a few tear stains on my cheeks after seeing Layne like that. He was like my fucking brother. Jesus (or as he would say, Jaysus- he liked to imitate his father’s Irish accent). Pictures of Aiden and Layne kept coming into my mind; enough of them to make me feel like I was dead.

Maybe breaking up with her wasn’t a good idea. No, fuck it, of course it was a good idea. Erica knew what she was doing when she told me to let Layne go. Then again…why the fuck should I have trusted Erica? I was a little bit drunk when she talked me into leaving my girlfriend, so why did I feel like it was a good idea? I don’t know.

My head immediately started to hurt, with all these contradicting thoughts running through my head. The party had continued like nothing happened after I left Layne outside, but I couldn’t help but notice all the disappointed, sympathetic stares I was getting. I walked into the kitchen, opened the cooler, and cracked open another beer when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked to my side and saw Erica standing next to me. She was tall enough that I didn’t have to look down to talk to her, like I had to with Layne.

“How did it feel?” she asked, raising a sharp eyebrow.

“What?” I asked, confusion clear across my face.

“You did break up with her, didn’t you?” she asked in that annoying little voice she used all the time.

“Yeah,” I told her, looking down and then back up into her almost black eyes. “You…you think I did the right thing, don’t you?”