Hello Ivan. I like you. I use the word like because that is a definite feeling towards you. I have been carrying memories of you with me for so many years that the urge to tell you has been haunting me. Yes, I have been liking you for the past nine years of my life. The journey started from a simple crush to L... . I smile like a fool when you are near me, I keep on staring at you from the corner of my eyes, my heart beats rapidly whenever you look in my direction or smile or laugh, I want to talk to you more, I want to hug you out of air, I want to hold you and tell you what I feel. I want you to feel how fast my heart beats. If all of these define love then, dear, I would like to tell the whole world ' I LOVE YOU IVAN', ' I COULDN'T HELP FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR YOU'.
I was a very young girl when I first started feeling things. I didn't know it was love. I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. I used to act like a fool around you not intentionally but I didn't know why. Now I know why. There were so many people around me but my focus was only towards you. It was very painful when it was time to say goodbye. I used to feel something, some strange heartache but I didn't know why then. Now I know why.
Each year as we both were growing , feelings inside me too grew. I started observing you, your smile, your attitude.... I thought ' Wow ! Ivan has turned into a wonderful boy'. My feelings towards you started taking a new dimension. Now each moment with you left me with drumming heartbeats. I wanted to impress you. I'll tell you these were the first time I felt like these. Each time you flirted with a girl I used to feel bad. Not jealousy because my feelings were not that defined. Ivan, something inside me was drawing towards you. How do I explain these to you? It was something I didn't know but what I knew was I wanted to be with you always. My whole behavior was synchronized with the passion to impress you.
Now the scenario has completely changed. Now when I see you looking at a girl, my heart burns breaks shudders. I don't feel jealousy or I might feel but you are not mine to feel in the first place. Even after all these years none could take the special place I have reserved for you. Now when I am with you I have the urge to kiss you, to hold your hand, to..... . I don't know if its right or wrong to feel all these but I want to. I want to tell you aloud how I feel about you. I want you to love me back. I want you. Is it too much to ask for?
Yes, it is too much to ask for because I wasn't supposed to fall for you. I didn't plan it but before I knew, I started feeling. How can ask myself now to stop it? Its too late. My feelings have gone too far. I always considered love to be precious but you are more precious to me. I don't want to spoil the relation I have with you. I want to treasure you...
I wrote this to tell that I fell in love with a wonderful person. I wanted to share this, to tell a few people that there is a girl who loves someone. I wanted someone to know because I couldn't discuss this with anyone I knew. I never want my family to bend their heads because of me. It might hurt me but time always heals it, doesn't it?
