The state I'm in COMPLETED

Surprise

"Harry? What are you talking about with Rose in such secrecy? You know I know you're up to something, right?"

I had been in the shower, leaving Harry watching TV in the living room, only to come out and find him talking with Rose in the kitchen, conspiracy written all over them. They were up to something, and I knew exactly what. It had been three weeks since my encounter with Nadia, and Harry had come over for yet another weekend. Rose and Harry had grown very close (don't worry, they were just friends, stop freaking out), and sometimes I felt like Rose was the female version of Harry. There was always something they could talk about or argue about, but you could sense they genuinely enjoyed each other's company, which was great. You don't want your roommate to hate your boyfriend, right?

My birthday was in a week, and I was almost certain they were planning something. They weren't very good at hiding stuff—actually, they were unbelievably bad at it—so I figured they were talking about that. They looked like five-year-olds trying to decide whether to have a Barbie or Minnie Mouse-themed party. They were simply adorable, so I let them do their thing without pushing for details. Had I persisted, Rose would have caved in five minutes, so I didn't say anything. The only thing I did whenever I caught them whispering or exchanging knowing looks was hint that I didn't want anything extravagant. Harry had to pay for child support, had gone to a divorce lawyer, and the back-and-forth driving cost a lot, so I didn't want him spending money on me. I told him that repeatedly. I wasn't a child—I wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't get a present, and I made that clear to him.

Still, there was a lot of talking and whispering with Rose going on, which was fun to watch but also a bit worrying. I was spending my birthday in my hometown so I could also see my family, whom I missed so much. I took the following weekend off work and went dress shopping with Rose, who turned out to be a disaster. The outfits she suggested were either too slutty, too expensive, or simply not me. I decided to give up and give it a go with Cathrine once I went home. Harry said he'd take me to dinner, so Cathrine was my last and only chance. It was already Thursday afternoon, and I was packing my things because I wanted to leave for my parents' house as soon as uni was over the next day.

It was Friday. I had already seen my parents and was on my way to pick up Cathrine to go shopping, but first, I had to make one last stop: Leo's.

Leo had inexplicably disappeared from my life, and I didn't know why. I would send him the occasional text whenever something funny happened on campus or in class, or I'd send him a picture of a car or bike that I thought he'd like whenever I came across one. He would answer back dryly—sometimes he wouldn't reply at all. He didn't answer my calls, but I kept brushing it off, blaming it on some kind of hook-up. When it kept happening, I knew something was bothering him, but I didn't know what. I asked Harry if something was wrong at work, but he said their boss had teamed Leo with a different group. Although Harry saw Leo daily, they didn't talk as much now that they worked on different projects. They were cool and everything, but not that close anymore. Harry was rushing from work to see his son, me, or run errands. They didn't have time to get together like they used to. Cathrine also told me that Leo had stopped hanging out with her altogether, and she was actually seeing someone else, tired of waiting for Leo to get it together.

I hadn't even called before knocking on his door—I didn't want to give him an excuse not to see me. Leo was my childhood friend, my rock; I couldn't just ignore the signs that he needed me.

He opened the door, his face a mix of shock and hesitation. "Val? What are you doing here?"

"Hi!" I said excitedly, pulling him in for a hug. He stood stiffly before awkwardly accepting it, and after a few seconds, he finally hugged me back—but there was something off about it.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I stepped inside his small, cosy apartment.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. What are you doing here, Val? I know I said I can't make it to the club tomorrow, but—" He cut himself off, cursing under his breath.

"The club... what club? What are you talking about?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Shit. Fuck... I think I wasn't supposed to say that." He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Rose and Harry's thing?" I smirked, crossing my arms.

"Yeah... that."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Don't worry, I won't say anything. But why can't you make it? Do you have a hot date?"

He hesitated. "I... have stuff to do."

I narrowed my eyes. "Leo, what's going on? I won't leave until you tell me what the hell is happening. You don't answer my calls, you don't care about my texts... Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, I just... I've been busy."

"Busy?" I scoffed. "Busy doing what?"

Silence.

"Leo, tell me what's wrong." I stepped closer to him, but he immediately took a step back. My stomach twisted. What the hell was going on?

"Leo..."

"Val?" His voice cracked slightly.

I exhaled sharply. "Did you deliberately ask for Harry to be removed from your team?"

He nodded.

My heart sank. "But why?"

"I can't tell you."

"You can, and you fucking will," I snapped, my patience running out.

"Val, don't—"

"What the hell is going on? You avoid me, you avoid Harry, you don't see Cathrine, my mom says you don't stop by anymore. You refuse to come to my birthday party. What is your deal?" I was practically pleading now.

Leo clenched his jaw, his eyes dark with something I couldn't place. "Tell me. Tell me now. Tell—"

Before I could finish, his lips crashed onto mine.

I froze. My brain couldn't catch up. He was holding me close, his grip firm and desperate. I should have pulled away instantly. I should have screamed, shoved him, done something—but I couldn't process it. And then—it clicked.

Everything.

The tension, the avoidance, the way he always stood too close, the weird shift in our friendship—it all made sense.

He tried to deepen the kiss, but reality snapped me out of my trance. I pushed him away, my breath ragged. "What the hell, Leo?"

His hands raked through his hair. "I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry—please, I—" He punched the wooden door, his knuckles turning red.

I flinched. "Leo..." My voice softened, but I was still reeling. "Please, look at me."

He slowly turned, his eyes filled with something that made my stomach churn. "It's fucking obvious, isn't it?"

I swallowed. "Leo... do you have feelings for me?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "God, Val. You never fucking saw it, did you?"

Tears burned my eyes. "Leo, I—"

"Just go," he said, defeated. "Let's pretend this never happened."

I hesitated before whispering, "Goodbye, Leo."

And just like that, I was saying goodbye to my best friend, my childhood, my rock.

I was saying goodbye to a piece of me.