[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[100.] Black. [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

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Lan Xichen got himself busy with the reconstruction of Cloud Recesses the very next day, refusing to wait two more months until spring. He hired builders and workers and told them that he would triple their pay if everything was to be ready for New Year's celebrations in a month's time. 

Hanguang-Jun was observing everything, frowning  –  his brother had never been so irrational and unwise before, so rash.

- Zewu-Jun, are you sure this is a good idea? The days are short, and the weather is really too cold and freezing. The workers won't be able to do a good job this way. –  he grunted.

- The decision is mine, Wangji. Mine.  Respect it. –  he growled in return. –  I need the Hánshì  rebuilt as soon as possible.

- You are doing it because of him, aren't you?  -  Lan Wangji raised an eyebrow disapproving.

 Lan Huan blushed.

- What is wrong with your current bedroom?  –  Lan Zhan tilted his head, staring at him with piercing eyes.

Zewu-Jun looked at him coldly and went away, ignoring his question.

***

Lan Huan would spend his mornings, days and evenings at the construction sites, supervising and helping. Hanguang-Jun instinctively felt that he was not available for conversations and discussions any more, and let him be  –  he now spent his time exclusively with his own family, to his sons' and Wei Ying's great joy and pleasure.

The extreme fatigue was making Jiang Cheng weak, and he barely ate  –  he almost never slept. The only person who seemed to pay attention was Wei Wuxian, and he saw the bitter irony in it all  –  his least favorite person in the world was the only one who would spend time with him and ask his how he was at all. 

He rarely spoke with anyone any more; his days were tears and heartbreak.

Yet, the nights were worse. Zewu-Jun would come back from his daily work, often forgetting about dinner  –  and falling directly into the bed, exhausted and falling asleep straight away. Jiang Wanyin tried to be understanding and patient  –  he knew that everything his husband was doing was for his own good, and for the good of the whole Clan. But it all felt too much like the first months after their wedding, and this very thought made him sick to his stomach.

Both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian could see that their brothers were falling out, falling apart, sitting further apart at meals, and barely speaking to each other any more. It was worrying, even more so because of the fact that Jiang Cheng was looking like a ghost more and more, pale and deeply unhappy, which was far too harmful for their unborn child. They discussed it between themselves, but didn't know what to do.

There was one thing that was the worst of them all. Sandu Shengshou's body was changing beyond doubt. His chest was getting larger  –  the doctor told him that if that continued, he might even be able to breastfeed his baby, which was really going to be the best news possible, hadn't his life been living Hell lately. His skin was getting softer, his hips and thighs  –  plumper, despite the fact that he ate very little. He seemed to be gaining weight slowly, and it was extremely frustrating, because he had never in his life looked like this. 

Was this the reason why Zewu-Jun didn't want him anymore? Because he looked like a girl now? 

He didn't know. They didn't talk any more.

All those changes meant absurdly raging hormones, and he was drowning in his heat almost all the time. At night, when his lover was close to him, and he could feel him nearby, things got so bad that at times he could barely breathe, unable to find satisfaction, to find release. He would bury himself under the covers and cry, grabbing at the sheets in desperation, needing, craving, panting. His body was burning, his heart was pounding, and he missed Lan Xichen with all his being.  

It hurt, it hurt terribly.