Playgirl's Addiction

9

"Why is it that I do what I do."

"Winter, you don't have to answer that, not now. I mean we're having a good time and I wouldn't want to mess that up."

I lightly smiled as I took a sip from my drink. He was just giving me this serious and empathetic look in return though.

"It's fine Derrick. I mean you already know that you're my prey and so it would only be fair to-"

"Not tonight. Tonight I just want to talk and have fun with you while enjoying a good time."

"Ok." Was all I could think of to say. I mean he isn't wrong. Tonight has been fun and I would like it to keep going that way.

"Why don't we order some dessert then head out of here?"

I nodded my head in agreement as Derrick signaled for the waiter and we ordered an Ice-cream and hot fudge lava cake to split.  We talked a little bit more about some random things and had a few more laughs before Derrick paid the bill and we went back to his car.

"So before I take you back home, there is actually a place that I want to show you. If that's okay with you?"

"Yeah that's fine."

We both got in the car and Derrick started it up as he pulled off and went into the direction to the place he was talking about. I leaned against the window as I looked at the scenery passing by. After a few moments of being in silence Derrick turned on the radio.

As I was just sitting there looking out the window at the scenery of street lights, houses, buildings, etc. passing by I felt a light weight on my hand. I looked down to see Derrick's hand on mine. Without looking up at him I lightly pulled my hand away and started fiddling with my earring.

"You don't have to be shy or scared about it Winter." Derrick said as he sensed my hesitation with holding his hand.

But, I have my reasons for it.

"I know and I'm not. It's just that I don't like getting feelings involved."

"It's just hand holding."

"I know."

"Look if you don't want to then it's fine. I already told you that I know you're a playgirl so you don't have to act or force yourself when it comes to me."

I sighed as I nodded my head while still fiddling with my earring. It went back to being just the sound of music and the car driving for a few more minutes while I went back to looking out the window.

As I was looking out the window I started thinking about what Derrick had said, about me not needing to act with him. I'll be honest when the person knows that I'm not going to really be getting romantically involved with them it makes it a bit easier. Sometimes it's acting but there's actually been a few times the feelings have actually been real. For example, me and Aaron, what we have has always felt real to me. It's just that I have been hurt so much and have spent so long hiding my emotions that I no longer really know how to let them in.

Yes, a lot of the school knows that I'm a playgirl but of course there are still them people that believe I'm actually into them. That's the part that makes it harder for me. I mean a lot of them are angels and deserve the world and I hate hurting them but I'm just not that person they need to be looking for that kind of love in, you know?

I sighed as I glanced down at Derrick's hand which was on the gear lever on the center console. I slowly put my hand on top of his and looked back out the window. I felt Derrick removed his hand from under mine so that he could take my hand into his as he interlaced our fingers. I looked over at him once we got to a stop light and when I did he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand as he looked up at me.