University Files

1 - A Naive Girl in a Fast-Paced World

With a stretched arm, I shielded my eyes away from the blinding sunlight. I immediately regretted not bringing an umbrella. That was my first mistake...that led to many others.

To say that I feel nervous on my first day at a university would be an understatement. I looked around and saw an apparition of unfamiliar cold faces. They would look at you when you stare at them for too long but they won't smile or raise their eyebrows like what you expect. To assume that they will approach you is like being a naive girl in a fast-paced world. Trust me, I know. I am too introverted to make the first move, so I waited for someone to approach me. Maybe they will notice if I stare long enough, I thought. I was wrong. They will simply cast a glance at you then look away.

I looked at my class schedule with creased brows. How am I going to find out where the room for my first period is? I tried asking for the directions but no one from the mob of students knows where this is. "I'm sorry but I have no idea," is what they said.

They are also freshmen, so I guess we all are trying to find our ways. I haven't seen any teacher among the crowd if that's what you're thinking. I'm too shy to ask around again, but I don't have all the time to explore the whole university to find Room 106.

My attention was caught by the laughter of a group of students who are making their way among the crowd. A bunch of girls, probably in their first year of college, linking arms together and giggling at a certain topic only they knew about. I suddenly felt slightly envious of their companionship. I don't even know anyone here, so it may probably take me a while before I get to share a conversation (and a laugh) with someone...anyone.

Maybe this is a bad idea, I muttered to myself. Maybe I should've just went to the same school with my friends. But who am I kidding? Even if I go with them, I know that I will only feel alone. Ironic, isn't it? You are surrounded by the people who know you personally yet you feel like they don't even know you at all. They know your favorite colors, your hobbies, and the things most people don't know about you. But they don't know that you sometimes have to force yourself to hang out with them so they won't hate you and you won't look lonely. Hitting two birds with one stone.

"Hi." I turned around to face a girl who's also a student like me. From the looks of it, she's not afraid to strike a conversation with anyone, even with an awkward person like me.

"Hello." I replied with a friendlier tone than usual. I wonder if she noticed it. It would be embarrassing if she did.

"Uh, well, I was actually looking for Room 106 at the Architecture Building. Do you probably have any idea where that may be?"

What a coincidence. We're heading to the same room.

"Oh, I'm looking for that room too."

"Really? Then let's look for it together! I'm Vanessa, by the way." Before I could respond, she linked her arm with mine. I was instantly reminded by the group of girls I saw earlier. Is this how they make friends in college? You just talk and then boom! You have met an instant cohort. I am actually uncomfortable when strangers touch me but I guess you have to make sacrifices to gain companions in college.

This is not how it used to be when I met my friends in high school. You see, I was the only one left without a group. I didn't belong to anyone. I cannot be with the smart kids, cool girls, or the sporty boys. In the end, one of my friends invited me to have lunch with them. They didn't say anything about officially including me in their group but they always tag me along. They would talk about anything under the sun, and I would always be the friend who is a good listener. They never asked for my opinion or advice; they would just thank me for bearing with their emotional outbursts. It made me feel good. It made me feel as if my presence is appreciated.

Meanwhile, Vanessa and I walked around until we finally reached a door with a "Room 106 - Architecture" taped to it.

"This must be it." She said and I nodded. I can't believe how fast we were able to find it.

She opened the door and various faces turned to our direction. I even noticed that the group of girls that I saw earlier were here, too.

I waited for Vanessa to move along so we can occupy the vacant seats in the last row. But she didn't.

She immediately removed her left arm from me and ran towards the girls. They acknowledged her presence and even whispered something to her which made her chuckle.

I waited for her to introduce me but she just sat with them as if they belonged in another world.

So I just stood there, watching her talk to her friends.

"Excuse me, Miss. You're in the way." A deep voice said.

"Ah, yes, I'm sorry." I replied and hurriedly went to the vacant seat on the right side of the last row.

I sat there and thought of how foolish I was to believe that I have gained a companion. Perhaps, I was nothing but a useful stranger to her. She didn't even ask for my name.

My name is Alliyah and I am a naive girl in a fast-paced world.