✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

24. Older and Wiser

Breakfast turned out to involve croissants and a variety of different fruit jams. Gabby had set them out on the table before going to the shops, so there would be something here if Tess woke while she was out. They worked out that she must have arrived back with her shopping just after the shower shut off, so she didn't hear the water running. Seeing breakfast still on the table, she had gone to poke her head into Tess's room without realising she was already awake. It was a simple mistake, and the worst luck imaginable for a girl who was hoping to hide her wet sheets.

Tess saw the food still waiting on the table when she came down carrying a bag of laundry, and started to load it into the machine.

"I'll do that," said Gabby, tipping a couple of slices of freshly cooked bacon onto the side of Tess's plate. "I've got some stuff that needs washing as well. Like this top, it'll stain if I don't get bacon grease out right away. You just eat."

Tess couldn't argue with that, so she sat at the kitchen table, putting Gabby behind her so that she didn't have any more reminders of what had happened. The bacon was perfectly crispy, and she dipped a mini croissant into her fried egg. It was a perfect breakfast, so much that by the time she'd eaten she had almost managed to forget what had been bothering her.

"Feeling better now?" Gabby asked, taking the seat opposite.

"Yeah..."

"Good. But I know you're scared to talk about your problems, and I think it's only going to get harder, the longer you leave it. So I think we need to talk before you put all the strain on yourself."

"I said I'd think about that thing. It's not such a big deal, I can do the laundry myself."

"Yeah, but I can see how much it's bothering you. It won't always be easy to hide it, from me or from Ffrances. And as long as this is happening, I think you won't be able to invite any of your friends to stay over."

"But what can I do about that? Okay, I'll try the hypnosis thing. See if she can help me with my sleep cycle. That's something a lot of people could use help with, right? But if that doesn't work, what else can I do?"

Gabby looked down at her hands, and for a second it seemed she was almost as embarrassed as Tess.

"Okay, there's two things I can suggest. First off, I'm wondering if you're putting too much pressure on yourself to be an adult. I mean... it's hard to say, but sometimes I wish I could be young again. Less responsibilities, and less people expecting the impossible of you. I know you've always been told that you need to grow up to impress people, but trying to mature before you're ready can be a huge source of repressed anxiety. Maybe when you saw the decoration in that room, some small part of your mind wondered if it might be enjoyable to let yourself be young. Like, they say everyone has an inner child, and if you refuse to listen to it, you have trouble coping with more things."

"What are you saying?" Tess wasn't sure if she understood or not, but she had to ask.

"I'm saying... if you're having problems, it might be healthy not to push yourself too hard. A little make-believe, pretend you're a child again and let someone else take care of it. There are studies showing that it can be an effective way to deal with things like this. If worrying about your little problem is causing stress, and that stress keeps you awake, and lack of sleep makes the problem continue, then perhaps... If you say to yourself something like 'It's okay, I'm just a child, it's not a problem', then the worries will fade away. And you'll be able to sleep properly."

"I don't think so," Tess shook her head. "You said two things. Both weird new age ideas? Because I'm not a baby and I'm never going to say I am."

"Well, rather than rushing to do laundry... you know that for some girls, the pelvic floor muscles aren't fully developed until they're sixteen, or a little older? Changing hormones can set your development back a bit in some ways, so it's not entirely unusual for someone your age. So perhaps you could deal with the situation the same way others your age do. In your room, there's a lot of stuff left behind by the people who lived here before. And I think I saw something in one of the drawers on the changing table–"

"I don't need diapers!" Tess almost yelled.

"I know. But you should look. There's some... padded underwear, for girls in exactly your situation. They're not just for children, you know? The largest size says it's for ages thirteen to sixteen, although I've never looked into what measurements that corresponds to. If you try some of those pyjama pants, it will at least mean you're not rushing to do laundry without Ffrances noticing in the morning."

"But I'm not a baby," Tess repeated, even though she knew the claim made little sense now. "I don't need to–"

"If you're trying to be responsible, then you should be happy to use practical methods to deal with your problems. Refusing to take precautions is not the behaviour of an adult. I've tried to cut you some slack while you're adapting to a new place, but if you keep on acting like a toddler, throwing a tantrum when I suggest logical steps forward, I think I might have to reevaluate how we treat you."

Tess blinked, and searched for the words to reply. She'd never expected that aggressive tone coming from the cousin who had been so supportive. She wanted to argue, to yell that she wasn't a baby, but she couldn't see anything in there to argue with. Of course she should take some kind of precautions. Like Gabby said, it was the adult thing to do. But that would mean admitting she had a problem; to her cousin, and to herself. She'd even thought about it already, but decided that wearing diapers she didn't really need was somehow even more embarrassing than having to wash her sheets two or three times every week.

"I guess," she mumbled. "Maybe just for a little while, until I'm sure it's not going to happen again. It's probably just stress anyway, it won't keep on happening."

Gabby seemed satisfied with that. And Tess started to understand that her cousin really wasn't trying to force her; she just wanted there to not be a problem anymore.

"Did you talk to Ffrances?" Tess continued, hoping for any suggestion that might help her to avoid wearing diapers. "About the other thing. You said she might be able to help me sleep better."

"I didn't want to bring it up unless you're sure. But I can mention it to her. Ask if she'd be willing to help you out, just with a simple thing. But I think you'll need the courage to ask her yourself. I'll let her know you're having trouble sleeping, and ask if that's something she could help with. I won't go into any detail about why, but I'll ask her to help. And then if you want to ask her, you can decide how much you want to share."

"Thanks," Tess mumbled.

"Don't worry. I promise, we'll get this sorted out. And if you can take care of it like a big girl, I won't have to talk to you about it again until you're ready."

Author's Note: Patreon 'bonus' chapters for December will mostly be posted tomorrow. This is because the script that keeps track of what I've posted might change its mind and tell me to dedicate a chapter that's already been posted to someone different when more payments come through. Don't worry, you'll still get your bonus chapters!

And if anyone is impatient to see what happens next, you can support 'kittyangel' on Patreon for only a dollar and get an early look at the next eleven chapters of this story (including Tess's first introduction to hypnosis). Chapter 36 and onward will be available to people  on the $5 tier  as soon as I've written them.