You're My Music - A Riker Lynch FanFiction

Fear

Jack Canfield said "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." I found many truths in his statement. You don't really have fear unless it comes across as an obstacle. Fear is only present when it stands in your way. A mountain climber that's scared of heights would have no reason to have fear if they didn't climb any mountains. In a way that expressed my relationship with Riker. He made me nervous because I wanted to be with him. My fear of trusting him was standing in the way, along with many others obstacles.

"I mean it's just coffee right? I have no reason to be worried." We were sitting in the coffee shop Riker had agreed to meet me at.

"Then why are you?" CeCe replied. I sighed in defeat.

"I don't know CeCe." I paused for a moment. "When I'm with him everything feels perfect, but I'm just...I'm scared. What he did wasn't even that bad was it? I really don't have a reason to not trust him do I?"

"Of course you do! You said you hadn't told anybody about the things you told him. You trusted him with your deepest secrets, and he broke that trust. Then he went on and said some pretty horrible things to you. You totally have a right to not trust him." I shrugged.

"I guess. I don't know why I'm worried even. He's still with Estella."

"But he told you he had feelings for you." CeCe tried to convince. I groaned.

"Well if he has feelings for me, then why is he still with her?" CeCe shrugged.

"I guess you'll have to ask him yourself." She nudged her head to the door where Riker was just entering. CeCe stood up, and winked exiting her spot at the round coffee table. Riker smiled, and walked over to sit down at the table.

"Hey." He spoke, taking a seat.

"Hey." I looked down at my drink, and absent-mindedly stirred it with the tiny black straw. "So what did Estella think of yesterday. Was she mad that you danced with me?"

"She didn't come. Even if she did, it's not like she would've had a say." I looked up at him.

"Wow look at you standing up to her for once."

"Well we're not dating anymore...not really anyways." My eyes bulged open.

"You, and Estella broke up?"

"Sort of." He placed a magazine on top of the round table. It was one of those teen ones that have bands like One Direction, 5sos, The Vamps, and of course R5 on their covers. In the center of the front cover was a large picture of Riker with a pink cartoon heart drew around him. The headline read: "RIKER LYNCH AND HIS GIRLFRIEND STILL GOING STRONG." I opened the magazine, and on page five was a large article indulging into the love life of Riker, and Estella. I read through a little piece of the article. A few phrases stuck out to me. "When we talked to Riker he said 'Right now there is no one I would rather be with. I couldn't think of anyone who better suits me than her, we're a perfect match.'" I closed the magazine.

"Well if you think she's "the only one for you" then why are you even here?" I was so confused. Riker tells me he has feelings for me, tells me that he, and Estella have broken up, and now he's showing me an article about how they're so in love. He wasn't very good at giving out signals. Riker could sense the annoyance in my voice. I was fed up.

"Don't you get it?" he asked. I crossed my arms.

"Obviously not."

"I didn't say any of that. It's just some publicity thing our manager sent in. That night I found out Estella had been cheating on me, I didn't want to believe it. That's why I blew up at you, it was a mistake. When I did confront Estella she didn't even deny for a second. She honestly didn't care that I knew. I broke up with her, and the next day I got a call from my manager saying I couldn't." I let out a small gasp.

"What? What do they mean you can't, they don't control your life?"

"Well, being with Estella is good for publicity. Being in a relationship with her is what my manager said is 'the right thing for my image' they want me to stay with her especially since this magazine came out. "He admitted.

"So where does this leave us...if you even still want an us?" Riker had a sympathetic look in his eyes, almost like he was sad, sad I even asked that question. He sat forward, and placed his elbows on the table.

"Of course I still want us, more than anything in the world! Right now things are complicated." I stood up from the table.

"Right, call me things aren't so 'complicated'." I was about to walk out when Riker stopped me.

"Wait!" he called standing up, and grabbing my arm. "I told Estella out of the public eye I didn't want anything to do with her. We can still be together." He didn't get it. I didn't want to be some side girl that he had a thing with. I didn't want to be something he was hiding from his girlfriend. I didn't want to be the "other women". I wanted to him to be mine, and all mine.

"No Riker don't you see? It doesn't matter if you actually want to be in a relationship with her, or not. You still are. You're still committed to her, and I'm not just going to be that girl that sits on the side and waits. I don't want half of you, I want all of you." He smiled lightly.

"I want that too, but right now..." he started, but I cut him off.

"Riker, its fine, I know your career is a big deal, and your image means a lot to you. I'm not asking you to change that." I started choking up. I could feel the tears start beckoning at my eyes, trying to burst through. Riker, and I were standing face to face on his side of the table. I felt a tear slip past my cheek. I cleared my throat. "Right now, maybe you, and me just isn't a good idea." Riker shook his head, he grabbed both of my hands.

"She doesn't matter, nothing is real with her. You're the only thing that's real to me. I don't want her, I want you." It hurt to hear him say that because none of that really mattered as much as I wanted it to. As long as he was still with her, whether it was real or not he was still in a relationship with her. The same fear was standing in my way again. What if he still did have feelings for her, and it wasn't really his image that was holding him back? What if I stood in the way of his career? I wanted to believe him I really did, but I couldn't. I wanted to know that I was the only girl he cared about, but I couldn't. I was scared. There was so much fear that wound up inside of me, and I didn't know how to handle it. I knew it would hurt too much to only have a part of him, so I decided I couldn't have any of him.

I withdrew my hands from his. I felt more tears stream down my face. All I could do was shake my head. I looked into his eyes, he looked scared too, scared of what I might say. I reached up, and softly kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry."