My Immortal world

Chapter 1--- only me

I stood there agonizing in pain and fear. Her banging against the cold hard concrete. Like she was still alive or something, Like she was trying to save herself and escape and not make me hurt because she was gone. Hearing the screams from the coffin were because of me, only for my sake. i Hated just standing here doing nothing about it. But there was nothing i could do about it...and that's what hurt me the most. I snapped out of my day dream/ nightmare. Well it wasn't really a day dream at all, the nightmare was real. For a split second i felt security and relief. But that was all over when i relized it wasn't close to a dream it was the realest nightmare i've ever had. And it was one-hundred percent real. But God i wish it was a dream right now. My eyes sprang open to the feeling of my father's icy cold fingers that patted my back. He probably thought it would comfort me in someway. Nothing. Nothing can comfort me in this moment on time. i listened to the rain patter against my umbrella that covered my head, trying to block out the pastor's deep dark voice, as he gave a long speech about death. Which i wasn't up for at the moment. I already have so much pain and sadness in my life, i dont think i deserve anymore. Just knowing my mother is deceased is enough to take in. it shouldn't be her in that casket, it should have been me, after all i distracted her when i put my feet of the dash board of her car. She was too busy yelling at me to put my feet on the floor than paying attention to the road where she swerved over to the left lane and went first into a moving truck coming at us. i didn't die because i was so lucky, that the car spun with the drivers seat facing the truck coming at us, i wasn't touched but still broken. i was never meant to live. There should be two caskets laying on the cold grassy cemetary grounds. i glanced up at my father for a moment, wearing his long black trench coat, his short dirty blonde hair blew in the wind. His cold, brown eyes wide and frozen. staring at the coffin in front of us. His face doleful. he didn't move the whole time. It looked like he was really listening to what the pastor said. every word. He pursed his lips, and he couldn't help the tear from trickling down his cheek. I have never seen him so sad in his life. Now i am broken both mentally and physically. The foggy air filled with my mothers smell, key lime pie. Which was always my favorite smell. Same with my aunt Vennessa, She smelled the same. i treasured everytime i hugged them both. Aunt Vennessa was one of those girls that get to into things that are going on, and most of the time they aren't her buisness. Thats what my mother hated about her. They bickered about it almost everytime we got together. Like the family barbaque 3 years ago. They had a big hissy fight, and i mean big. I thought my grandma was gonna have to put dog leashes on them like a german shepard. Maybe she is like that because she missed everything while she was in prison for 5  years for driving a stolen car. It wasn't stolen, per say, because it was my uncles friends car she "barrowed", so to cops it was stolen enough to put her in jail for 5 years. Before prison she was a aunt i always loved, but now, shes something else... My father must of smelled key lime too becasue his hands clenched to his side. His deep velvet voice, cold and hard, "we can go home now...uhh only if you want, i don't think we need to hear anymore" i swallowed hard and tightened my jaw, i nodded faintly. im not sure why he really wanted to leave early, most people dont do that. i turned to leave, he stood there one extra moment with a plain expression. no sign of any emotion in him. He was empty. He turned and followed me Honestly i really wanted to leave since the beginning. Something about the atmosphere, why a funeral, why can't it be a wedding, i like those better. I questioned myself and always wondered why it always rains on a sad day. like the sky or mother nature predicted this, and didn't tell me. Stupid mother nature.