Chapter 1
"Get her!" Jack snarled, flying down the aisle of barrels. Gwen rounded a corner, brandishing her gun.
Missy Grant, 47 had a piece of stolen alien technology. She worked for the Harmony Health Clinic, which had been developing a cure for, you guessed it, cancer. Colon cancer, to be precise.
Gwen skidded to a stop, jumping on top of Missy. They fell to the ground and Gwen pinned her.
Jack's aisle was blocked by a large barrel. Jack's shoes were freshly polished.
You do the math.
The Captain tried to slow down, but he kept going. His gun flew off into another aisle, and Jack crashed into the barrel.
The stopper popped off, and a bluish liquid spewed from the barrel, all over Jack. Owen and Tosh burst into the warehouse from the end closest to Gwen.
Jack flailed for a moment, knocking over more barrels in the process.
Tosh and Gwen raced to Jack's side, careful not to touch any of the obviously-harmful liquid. It was pulsating, which was never a good sign.
"Jack? Jack, can you hear me?" Tosh said calmly. Jack shook his arms, throwing the liquid against the shelf behind him with a splat.
"I'm fine, Tosh." He wiped a particularly large glob out of his eyes and grimaced. "I'm fine."
***
Jack jumped into a shower nobody knew existed as soon as they got back to the Hub. Ianto saw to sopping up the goo trail he left.
"What is that stuff anyway?" Owen asked, popping a lollipop into his right cheek. Tosh shrugged, tapping at her keyboard.
"It's harmless, though. It feels like Jell-O." The team members fell into a comfortable silence.
"OOOOOOOOooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhHHHHHH!" Gwen giggled when Jack's voice carried out across the Hub. He hit the high note at the end of the lyric?!
***
Jack emerged from the shower as Gwen accepted a cup of tea from Ianto, Owen bit into his lollipop, and Tosh finished polishing her glasses.
Gwen dropped the mug. Ianto's eyes popped so wide he made no move to clean up the broken cup. Owen's lollipop fell out of his mouth and rolled down the stairs. Tosh's glasses dropped onto the bridge of her nose, where she hated to leave them. But she made no move to slide them towards her face.
Each of their four faces registered a look of identical, complete and utter astonishment.
Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Am I missing something?"
"Jack," Owen said slowly as Ianto dove for Gwen's hand mirror on her desk. He snatched it and hurried to Jack's side, wrenching it open. Jack's eyebrows flew up into his bangs, mouth only slightly agape.
"You're blond."
