I dont even know

My existence, why does it feel like I dont need to be here or that I wasn't meant for this world. This utterly heavy weight on my shoulders to live for everyone else but yet no one decided to ask me did I ever want to live. Breathing, walking and waking up everyday just feels like a choir I know I'm supposed to be grateful and I know that everyday is deemed a blessing but it doesn't feel like that. I can't just erase the thought that my entire existence is a total waste, I can't just sit here and believe that I'm worth it and that I should be alive. I can't say that its a great thing that im here or that I will fight everyday for this life that was really just unexpected. I'm looking towards everyone else but just neglecting me, so im living for you but I can't seem to live for me. This burden thats hidden under smiles, laughter and pure sarcasm but will never be shown to the people who need to see that this existence that was deemed to me is not even what I want to be.