[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[123.] The sun is down and the war begun.

NOTE:

Inspiration for the chapter's title:

Kamelot – "The Great Pandemonium"

****

Hanguang-Jun and Zewu-Jun busied themselves with the organization of the trip, and the housekeeper followed them everywhere, making notes, as more workers had to be engaged now, and the local physician had to be contacted in case that Jiang Wanyin had any problems in the month to come. It was going to be an impossibly busy day for her, but what worried her most was the sudden urge of it all. 

Was there really a war coming? A new war? She shuddered, and not because of the cold.

Wei Wuxian remained seated, thinking about all the news from the last hour, frowning. Something was off, something wasn't right at all. He never realized that his brother had also remained behind  -  Jiang Cheng simply could not gather the strength to stand up. He was shivering, realizing fully that he would be far away from his love...  for a month, or maybe longer. 

The thought horrified him. He remembered the last time when he was trying to sleep, eat,  be away from Zewu-Jun... he remembered how he was on the brink of death. Utter grief grabbed his mind and his heart and he sobbed helplessly, unable to control himself.

- A-Cheng?  –  Wei Ying looked up, surprised by the sound.  –  Did you know about this? What is happening?

He just shook his head.

- I really don't know. But it is serious.

- It must be. Lan Zhan would never be parted with the kids like that...  -  he hummed.  –  And Zewu-Jun wouldn't risk your health like this... and the baby's... I really....  –  he was thinking out loud.  –  Do you think it's war? Would Lan Xichen do something like this?  –  he was staring at his brother with curiosity now.

- I don't care... I just... I...  -  Jiang Cheng's head fell to the front and he started crying even more pitifully, uncaring about anything.

- Uh, how can you be such a baby, Jiang Cheng!  –  Wei Wuxian scoffed.  –  You are a grown man! Is it the hormones, perhaps?

- Shut up.  –  he hissed, sniffing. His heart was breaking; he didn't want to be here at all.  –  I don't expect you to understand.

- But I do!  –  he grinned.  –  You two are still... on your honeymoon... aren't you?  –  Wei Wuxian winked, totally in the know.

- Shut up! Shut up!!!  -  Jiang Cheng's body shook with anger, and he stood up to go, staggering.

- Gods!  –  Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes.  –  Here, here!

He helped him get to the master bedroom, supporting him all the way and helping him get out of his robe and lie down in the bed. Jiang Wanyin was clenching his teeth, frustrated that once again he was in need of help; he hated being so weak.

- Do you want me to get Zewu-Jun for you?  –  Wei Ying asked carefully, seeing how pale his brother was.

- No! No... Let him be. Let him work. I am fine.  –  he hissed.

- A-Cheng...  Are you sure you will be able to travel at all?  –  Wei Wuxian looked at him critically.

After the last weak spell was over, Jiang Cheng had started to gain weight and looked healthy, and always happy when near Lan Xichen. Lately, the both of them looked content and well. But today, in contrast,  he looked quite feverish and weak.

- I will be fine.  –  he spat out the words, turning his head to the side as not the face the annoying Wei Ying.

- Jiang Cheng, you know that you two cannot be constantly together, right? It is simply impossible!  –  he exclaimed, amazed at how quickly his brother had grown so fond of a total stranger.  –  Such love is not healthy! It... It wears you both out!

- Please leave. Leave me alone.  –  he grunted.

- A-Cheng...

Jiang Cheng waited until the door was closed behind Wei Wuxian's back and buried his face in the pillow. The sobs shook his whole body, it felt like the world was ending. 

His brain was telling him that his brother was right and a couple of weeks apart were not a big thing, definitely not a thing to cry over. But his heart was shattering  –  his heart was telling him that even two days away were too many. He curled into a ball, hugging his belly, yearning to finally hold this child in his arms... his child.

Imperceptibly, he had fallen asleep hugging the pillow, with a messy hair and messy face. What woke him up were gentle lips on his cheek and gentle fingers on his hair. 

He opened his eyes, sighing deeply.

- How will I live without this, Zewu-Jun...  -  he murmured. He didn't need to turn around and look to know who it was.

- Darling...