[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[124.] Tripping into dawn.

He turned around sharply and hugged his waist. Zewu-Jun pressed him to his body, kissing the top of his head, patient, waiting for him to calm down.

- I will miss you, Zewu-Jun.  -  Jiang Cheng murmured.

- I need to know that you are safe, my love. This is all.  –  he sighed.  –  You will see, A-Cheng... It is beautiful down south... You can have some rest, some peace... You can spend time with the little ones... with Master Wei... It's been just you and me for months, sweetheart... Aren't you bored with me already? Am I not too much?

Lan Huan smiled and lifted his chin, so that their eyes met. Jiang Cheng stared up with adoration.

- Do you even know how beautiful you are...? Have you ever looked in a mirror, Huan...? How can I possibly be bored?  –  he was whispering, lost.  –  I want to spend the rest of my life  just looking  at you... What else do I need? Who else do I need? You are my life, husband... You are.

- Wanyin...  -  Lan Xichen's eyes teared up.

- I'm praying to all the Gods, my love... I pray that our child looks like you... A lovely, strong baby, looking exactly like you... I want to have a part of you just for myself... Always.

- Oh, sweetheart... Sweetheart... Don't be sad, A-Cheng. I will miss you too. I love you too, my kitten. So much, my love...

He leaned in, and they kissed. Jiang Cheng was doing his very best not to cry, to be strong for his loved one. Zewu-Jun was hiding his long fingers in his hair, and he wondered how he would be spending his days without this tenderness, without his touch. 

Wei Wuxian was right  –  he was addicted. 

Love was an opium for them, and withdrawal hurt.

***

At dinner, Wei Wuxian was acting more level-headed and calm, but also more pensive, and Sandu Shengshou was frowning  –  obviously, now he was the only one  not   in the know. Lan Xichen was going to some extraordinary lengths to protect him from any stress. He knew that there would be no point in asking any of the three to tell him what was really going on; none would agree to say anything.

Sulking, he was stabbing at his food absent-mindedly, until Zewu-Jun's voice startled him:

- Are you alright, little one?

- Just not hungry, Huan.  –  he mumbled.

- Hmmm.  –  Zewu-Jun was not too happy about this.  –  You will need your strength, darling. Please, eat.

He looked away; his stomach felt like a tight lead ball and he really was not hungry. It was a heavy feeling  –  to be left in the dark, all alone.

The next morning everything was ready for them to travel  –  it had cost Zewu-Jun's housekeeper one sleepless night, but all was set for the Masters to be comfortable. Lan Xichen and Jiang Wanyin had spent the night hugging, but the latter never really managed to fall sleep. Now he was exhausted, looking pale  –  even more than usual. He was to sit back in the carriage with his nephews and their nannies; Wei Wuxian was going to travel on horseback.

- How are you, Wanyin?  –  Zewu-Jun approached him, worried.  –  Darling, you can barely walk... Maybe this is a mistake...  -  he whispered, biting his lips.

- I am fine.  -  Jiang Cheng said firmly.  –  It is all fine.

- Darling... Don't think I don't know that you had another sleepless night last night!  –  he frowned.  –  Please, Wanyin... Just say the word, and I will call everything off.  –  he said, caressing his face.

Sandu Shengshou closed his eyes; this was probably the last touch he would get from his beloved for weeks to come; he wanted to enjoy it fully, remember it fully.

- No, my love... -  he murmured.  –  All is fine. I understand.  –  he sighed now.  –  I am being selfish, Zewu-Jun, forgive me. I just want you for myself, and this is impossible... Just...  -  he opened his eyes and tried to completely soak in the vision of beauty that was Lan Huan's face   -  Promise me you will be careful, my love? Promise that you will take care? Please?   –  he begged.

- Now I have a reason to live, A-Cheng. I am always careful. Do you trust me, my little one?  –  he smiled faintly.

- Yes. I trust you. Completely.  –  he whispered weakly.

Lan Xichen leaned in and whispered back in his ear softly:

- You will show me when you come back to the Hánshì,  beloved...

Jiang Cheng's eyes widened, and he blushed deeply.

- Do you promise, Zewu-Jun? Promise me?  -   he asked faintly, panting.

- I promise, my precious loved one.  –  Lan Xichen placed a warm kiss on his cheek, and then on his neck.

- Huan...

They got separated as all three boys rushed into the carriage, jumping and bouncing off the walls, too excited to go on a trip and an adventure, moreover  –  with just one dad, the less strict one!  It was heaven!

For the longest time Jiang Cheng stared back, leaning outside of the window, hoping that his Zewu-Jun would come running, rushing, to take him back, to bring him back home, to bed, to him. 

But no. 

They traveled on, into the dawn.