I Only Long To Be Me

Part 1. Why am I writing this?

To answer the question in the title- well... I don't think I can answer it. I don't guess I even know just quite yet why I am writing right now. I completely forget too often, that not only can famous authors and professional writers write, but so can every single ordinary person living on this earth. Like me. I am one of those many ordinary people. Just living day by day. Now, I will narrow it down so much as to tell you that I am still currently living under my parents' roof. I am still a minor, yes. I love listening to music. Maybe more often than I should (most likely 20 hours a day.) Along with that, reading heartfelt poetry and daydreaming about my future life and creating my own brand/business take up most of my brain. Trying new things is always in my plan. Unless, of course, it will cause me pain or inconvenience. In that case, no thanks. I like to protect those around me and I care too much. While I am spilling my whole existence to you right now, it would make sense to tell you that I am also Gemini. I know. One of the most hated zodiac signs of course. Knowing that, it is extremely easy for me to put on a face of not giving a fuck. However, most of the time I give far too many fucks. I convinve myself that there is no way I am too faced. That's not who I am. I am real. I am raw. I am me. But the truth is, I really don't know who I am yet. I mean, most kids my age don't or aren't expected to anyways. On that note, I tend to conform to the energy and people around me. This can be very helpful and very hurtful too. "Why?" you may ask. Well, allow me to explain: While I am grateful for this trait in the situations where I cannot sense the vibe or atmosphere just yet, it is just an automatic reaction for me to read the people I am around, and act like them in a way. I know what you're thinking. That's an odd social reflex. Yes, you're right. But let me continue on to explain the disadvantage- Sometimes I am around too many people at once or I am in the presence of people with different vibes. This is the part when I shit my pants. Because it no longer allows me to be the version of myself I have created for each of these people. Now I sound like a psycopath. Personality trait disorder maybe? No. I do not think so. Being extremely moody and two faced are just two of the countless perks of my specific astrology. I am not super into astrology or crystals or meditation as I have possibly made you infer thus far. Nope. I will still always be a realist. Things are just how they seem. That's what I believe. Even though I am being completely truthful within those previous statements, my mind and beliefs do change as I get older. As does every other developing teen brain. I say that to prove...that there are still an infinitive amount of possibilites, ideas, and consperacies floating around. Just waiting to be discovered and researched. And let us not forget the simple fact of the unknown-just-existing.